Gi Funk - BJJ ponderings and more/less

some retooling to do.

2011-03-26T19:19:00.000-04:00

first week at new work schedule. This has to be better. Still a lot of adjusting to do. As I figured would be the case, I'm losing an hour of morning BJJ. This, coupled with the sometimes lax approach we have to starting to get to task on time, is going to pose some issues. I'll need to get down to business from the jump, not allot thirty minutes for everyone else to stretch, talk, compare college basketball brackets, etc.

Coming in late to the evening class was also a little scattered, but this was an atypical week for instruction anyway. We'll see how this coming week goes. I didn't make it to any stand up classes this week, but would like to next week.

Still hit up crossfit three times, but by the time I finished the Friday morning WOD, I was done. Nothing left in the tank for morning BJJ class, and there was absolutely no way I was going after work.

Standup will have to take the backseat for now. I may try changing the split of mornings I'm doing crossfit this week and instead hit up monday, tuesday, and thursday instead. Frontload my week for crossfit focus, endload it for BJJ focus.

Still having some troubles narrowing my own focus in terms of what I want to work on in BJJ myself, but thinking that I'm at least meandering towards the right path. I'm placing all hope and faith in the short time I get in the evening classes to help bridge the gaps in terms of having training partners who will work with me, give me ideas, help make corrections. We'll see.

Got a gorgeous new gi from Shoyoroll, the White Mamba. It's presently hang drying in the bathroom. Will drop it off for tailoring this week. May as well pick up a few of my old gis to have the sleeves worked on as well, being as I now refuse to wear the ones that haven't been tailored. Team T Rex Arms!!!

Doing a little better with paleo this week too. Putting down spinach salads like it's going out of style. Still need to convert some of the fruit consumption into veggie consumption. But the end goal is packing smarter fuel. That is happening. I'm thinking I may need to more carefully track protein intake, as my recovery this week left something to be desired.

May've overdone it with the whole "let's start running" thing. Both feet have had some moderate soreness and a marked instability this week. Had to ice one of them earlier this week. I hate to blame the vibrams (as they are what have made running bearable to me), so I'm thinking it may be an issue of just pushing it a little too far, too soon. Or better, maybe this is just an awkward breaking in phase for me. Maybe this is where my feet become stronger.

Onward.

3rd day in

2011-03-23T14:23:00.000-04:00

a little sore. a little fatigued. skirting a sore throat. ugh. pacing will be an issue. Feels sloppy and scattered in terms of training, which I abhor.

will get this on rails. just maybe not this week.

also, having a frustrating obsession with making an omoplata land gracefully from half guard. thinking it may be a lost cause. I did give honest tries to a different set up for omoplata, kinda starting from a rubber guard sort of hold, but not much success. yet.

not surprising with my attention span, but I am struggling to decide on some goals and directions to pursue and stick with them. and that's no good in a room full of people all asking "uhhh well what's anyone want to work on?" the lack of direction, focus... maddening to me, and yet I can't seem to focus myself.

and as if I'm not trying to do too much as is, I'm thinking I should cram in some mobility study/work, be it yoga or just the mobility wod's. Thinking the latter might be the route to take. multi-birds with singular stone? we'll see. In the meantime, I'm drinking fish oil like it's going out of style.

on a longer leash

2011-03-20T14:40:00.000-04:00

After throwing a complete fit at work (not necessarily proud of that, but not necessarily apologizing either), my shift finally improved -- moved up an hour to working noon to eight at night. While this is still pretty far from what I imagined in grad school, it opens critical doors for me in training.

I can make the last bit of BJJ classes in the evenings, and can resume stand up training some, as well. I really haven't been able to sleep since this development -- I'm THAT excited about it.

So I'm on the cusp of week one. Some changes to make, sure, but I am happy to make them if it means improvement on the mats. I'm guessing, based on the ice cold reception of the idea to move morning class up an hour, that I'll be leaving AM bjj earlier (or perhaps just planning to go to work straight afterwards). I may start going to an earlier crossfit class. I anticipate improved recovery, as evening shifts just monkey with my sleep hardcore.

More importantly, I can pack a gi/whatever with me and go straight to the gym after work in the evenings. Catch up on whatever was instructed upon, get torqued about by new and different bodies, and not have the pressure of being the one either organizing the class or leading in the instruction end of things.

I'm sure the water company is going to celebrate, as this new shift means I'll be doing more laundry, dirtying up more gis and training gear.

I'm actually leaning towards an interest in adding standup back into the mix. I miss it, at times. I just don't know how I'm going to schedule everything without redlining. Should be an interesting experiment.

beyond driven.

2011-01-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

Happy new year.

I'm almost back to speed from a nasty muscle pull(s) from piss poor deadlifting form that forced me onto the shelf for a month or so.

Sticking with crossfit 3x a week for now, not actively planning to push for 4x a week yet. I think that's ambitious, since the past two weeks have ended with me having to rack up extra sleep hours to keep from full-on catching a cold.

Only getting one regular day to train bjj, but with the new year, it seems everyone is similarly re-dedicated. Extra mornings are going to appear for me the train, and that is a welcome thing for sure.

Days where I do neither bjj or crossfit, I've pledged to get in ten rounds of intervals on my airdyne. That is also a great time to throw on a bjj instructional and study.

Working on re-wiring my half guard. Used to be my go-to, favorite, safe place. I am slow to abandon the old style, figure 4 style of half guard, which seems to be quickly devolving into a stall position at best. A place where I can test how much my quads can deal with lactic acid and that's about it. Trying hard to adapt the open half guard. I see it, understand it, even see tons of potential.

Dismantling the muscle memory is another affair altogether.

I must also say that even at 65-80% compliance, I am feeling drastically better for retooling myself towards paleo/primal diet. I have serious carnivore tendencies, and unabashedly consuming animal products makes me happy. Trying to switch more towards vegetable rather than fruit, but it's tricky finding the right things and amounts to buy without donating more to the dumpster mammals than to my own cause.

Still pushing for a schedule change at work to allow more openings for training, but it's such slow going. Frustrating.

making some progress... slowly

2010-12-09T09:02:00.000-05:00

lasted almost twice as long last night, flexibility was a crapton improved. Stopped in precaution after a fella stretched me out a little too forcefully from back mount. Heard my back crack three or four times and asked him to please get off of me.

it's hilarious. you can tell someone you're injured, even wrap an appendage in tape, and instead it seems to draw some magnetic urge to attack. it's almost as though I should've said "hey I broke my nose last week" to safeguard my back.

but overall I am encouraged. if I continue to improve along these lines, my bjj will be back on course in a few weeks. I'm feeling a lot of fatigue today, but it's nothing major, nor outside the norm considering the inactivity. I'm just proceeding with extreme caution.

I do, however, anticipate my return to crossfit to be tougher. I imagine I'll have the same initial breaking in period to re-do. But who knows, maybe it won't be so bad. I will be very conservative with my lifting there for quite some time. Maybe perpetually.

Been reading a lot of Rippetoe's books during my off time, trying to better understand the lifts. I'm not sure whether to just avoid deadlifts altogether, or just become a form nazi using only the bar until I have the form just so ingrained that you could wake me out of a drunken blackout and I could fire off 100 perfect deadlifts on command.

knowing me, it'll be the latter.

guess I'll have to become a weekend warrior.

2010-12-06T07:29:00.000-05:00

Drove by the gym after work saturday, but apparently missed everyone. I knew I was taking a chance as was: kids class ended at 4:00, and the snow was still coming down. Fortunately, Sunday brought in a few folks, and hopefully next saturday will be a different story.

it isn't instruction, but it is mat time. That will have to suffice for now. I'll have to make it work, and make it a part of my usual routine. And friends and family will have to accept this as just the way things are now.

Hoping some folks show for morning class today, but won't be terribly surprised if they do not. I may pack up some stand up gear just in case-- may as well at least get a few rounds in on a heavy bag, make the trip worthwhile.

more importantly, yesterday was just fun. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in our curriculum and what I need to work on and progress that I suck all of the fun out of it. My back is not yet fantastic, and I crapped out before a full hour of rolling, but it'll come back around.

And I've about come to accept that absolutely no one under purple belt has any power to alter the level of intensity with which they roll. It isn't a jerk issue, it's a can't help it issue. Maybe it's my call to ramp up my own intensity.

that's what I'm talking about

2010-12-02T08:11:00.000-05:00

First day back went well, my back held up relatively well. It was mostly okay during training, but stiffened up a bit afterwards. Today is quite possibly my last chiro visit, so I'm presuming it's going to be time to start re-entering the fold of BJJ and crossfit.

I'm at serious odds at work: we're making slight changes to our work schedule and I'm not sure whether to take the same day off or not. To date, doing BJJ twice a day on Wednesdays has been less than ideal. The choice i'm dealing with is: stay the course and adapt, or change to Thursdays off and resume judo for a while. I'm hoping to add saturday to my list of days I train -- go in after work and see if anyone is around. If that doesn't work, I'll have to try going in Sundays for open mat.

What sucks is this is a decision I have to make today. I'm leaning towards leaving things the same and learning to suck it up and hit bjj twice a day that one day. Meanwhile, let crossfit do what it was already doing: forging a better physical foundation for my bjj.

sorry -- just woke up, so this will read scattered as I get my wits about me.

I would've liked to have made it to both classes yesterday, but felt it was asking a bit much out of a back and body that hadn't done much of anything for 3-4 weeks. I'd like to start back to crossfit as well this week, but everything is sort of in a state of "wait and see". I think I know when I'm ready for more punishment, and when I am not. I am trying to not be gun-shy on deadlifts, or anything, but also not be foolish.

anyway, it was a fun class in that it was just sort of "let's try these moves, analyze why it works, when it fails" and in my case "how to modify so that it works for short folks"

I try to not hate that process, having to modify like every damn move, but it makes sense. The folks I am working with are on average, at least a foot taller than me. the physics will be different. At least I'm starting to figure out what mods to make. I think it helps too that I definitely have to have my technique down for these things to work.

yeah, time for coffee. I'm a rambling mess.

hopefully exiting injured phase

2010-11-29T09:55:00.000-05:00

I don't have a real specific story aside from this: I was trying to deadlift 235 a second time and something snapped in my back. That was like 3 weeks ago. Haven't done shit since then, except hunt last week. After the 1st week, I started going to the chiro again.

It still hurts a little, mostly when I've sat still too long. I'm hoping it fades soon, because I'm getting cagey to train again.

Sort of.

I still feel lost on the mats, and have felt this way for a few months now. It's immensely frustrating, especially when there's no apparent end in sight. No remedy pending. I'm hoping it's just another phase that I have to soldier through until it goes away, but I'm more of a planning type girl. Want to know where I"m going. How I'm getting there. How long it's gonna take.

And it's frustrating to love something this much and have it go through a suck phase. But there are times that I consider the entirety of my training to be a suck phase, so... I need rewiring.

Too much of my training has involved a slow concession of defeat. I enter each match with the mindset of "how long until I get caught?" instead of "how can I catch my opponent?" And that is a deep seated habit now, expecting to lose. While I'd love a quick fix to it, I know better.

Just like everything else, I'll have to bite, crawl, and scratch my way out of it.

resuming saddle position

2010-09-19T08:39:00.000-04:00

returned to the mats last week. Reminded me of how people say the hardest part of going to a gym is sometimes just getting to the gym. Once my feet touched the blue mats, I really didn't think anymore about all of the various annoyances and frustrations that made the thought of putting on a gi just seem almost like an insult. A waste.

I've been the same rank now for 2 years. After returning to my original school, to its methodologies, I really expected to have made some sort of measurable progress. And I'm sure I have, but my belt knows no better. This paranoia always seems to kick up whenever my school does rank testing, as I see others progressing, earning stripes or belts and I think to myself, "They're getting better, I'm stuck where I'm at." Or worse, I start wondering when they'll surpass me.

This defeatist attitude is something that has long been present in my training. I don't know if it's a function of me sucking or a function of always training with bigger guys, or with guys who would sooner chop off their own balls than let some girl get a submission. But it's as much a habit of my training as defaulting to half guard.

The frustration is that I know I'm not stupid. I know that I can't not be improving. I just don't understand what is taking so damn long to stick. To work. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And overanalyzing it just makes it all worse.

So effective today, I'm putting on blinders. I don't know if it's ADD or what but I get moves mixed up in my head when I look at too many at once. I'm picking something and sticking with it. Up first is guard passing. And I'm not moving on until it improves. Until something else looks like the biggest hole in my game.

Meanwhile, crossfit is going well. I actually got three double unders in a row, which is a huge gain for me. Running isn't as traumatic, although I doubt I'm getting any faster. At least I'm trying. It is pointing out other holes in my game. I can move heavy things all day. I don't quit. But speed, that's another issue. If slow and steady wins the race, then I'm fine, but these are timed workouts, so instead I get a real clear view of what limits me.

And it's to be expected. I'm very heavy. Dense. I'm not built for speed at this point. But all in due time.

More shake ups coming at work. Trying to remain calm and wait to see what this shift in the tide brings. I may have to work weekends, may get a better shift, may get a worse shift. At this point, I'm just hoping it's a change that means I can go back to evening classes. Because while I adore the folks in morning class, there are so few of them. And the instruction isn't as good, or frequent. Open mat has its place in training, but when it's more prevalent than actual instruction, I get annoyed.

We shall see.

break.

2010-09-06T08:35:00.000-04:00

taking at least today off from bjj. might be all week. might be longer. might be shorter. It's not seeming fun right now. I'm annoyed with how things have been going, and I just need to pout about it a while and come up with another plan.

I actually already have another plan, but today I just want to veg. And drink coffee slowly. And probably play metroid. And I need to get more stuff cleared out of here to goodwill/trash for a pending move.

more later. I needs that coffee nowish.

probably not "easing back into it" per Rx

2010-08-19T09:20:00.000-04:00

Started Crossfit this past Sunday. Went again Tuesday. Today is Thursday, and I am forcing myself to rest. This takes more effort on my part than just working out.

I really, really like the intensity of the workouts. It's an added bonus that I get to usually train with friends from my bjj school. The scheduling is a little tricky, thanks to my job, and that will force some lifestyle changes that I probably should have made ages ago anyway.

If I'm going to have to get up early for crossfit, I'll have to get to bed sooner. Which allots less time for dinner, which I really shouldn't be having at 1130 pm anyways. I may try a test run this evening -- just get home from work, down a casein shake, read a bit maybe... do whatever I can to be asleep before 11.

It's been an okay bjj week so far. I'm finding myself really annoyed with attendance, especially since it may impact the number of days the morning class (read: my only option) occurs in a given week.

But things are opening up. Now that I'm implementing crossfit into the mix, maybe having one less day of bjj during the workweek isn't terrible. Maybe this is my cue to start hitting up weekend bjj open mats. I'd rather be instructed, but with my work schedule, that simply isn't going to happen without a lot of privates.

Derailed a bit from deciding whether I'm doing Berardi's diet plan or just doing Paleo. I'll probably end up with a hybrid of the two. Lots of work to do there. I've just been too strapped to shop smart lately.

It's time to start knocking a hole in my freezers anyhow, so I may as well start finding venison recipes. It's going to be what's to eat for ages.

my last post as a 35 year old

2010-08-04T21:58:00.000-04:00

well, shit. I'm officially on the far side of my thirties.

fun morning of bjj, if a little short. Felt as though I was floundering during mount escape drilling, but I guess it wasn't too bad. Pretty sure my instructor would've been more than open with me about suckage.

My hand is still holding up well. A little achey, still a bit weak, but much much better. I still can't spend hours playing video games, but hey, I probably shouldn't be doing that anyway.

Took off work tomorrow. It's my day, dammit. Spending it my way. Which means I'll sleep until the cats insist on being fed (i.e.-- 730, same as always), have coffee, and then do some bas rutten cardio massacre. Looking at house(s), then I'm going to go have fish tacos at the only place in town smart enough to serve them. And I'll do this by myself since everyone I know has an irrational fear of fish tacos. idiots. No idea on my afternoon yet, but I'm going to judo class that evening. I know it's ridiculous to go to one class, but I like judo. I wish I could attend the class more often.

wish a lot of things. it's a rocky passage right now. I'm trying to not obsess over what I haven't done, or what I could've done differently, better, faster. Doing a lot of cost/benefit analysis with relationships. Some people seem to confuse tenure with "guest pass to act like a jerk". Unfortunate.

Sometimes you just put your money on the wrong horse.

bah. anyways, still trying to find my pace with training and improvement. It's tough. Small classes, limited instruction. That should probably be my cue to more aggressively pursue our curriculum and let it guide things on occasion.

I flatly refuse to feel older. or less capable. or hopeless. I'm just as strong, stubborn, and determined as I've ever been. Only now I'm a little wiser. Sometimes.

Or as Jay Z put it, "Thirty's the new Twenty"

membership drive for people who bench < 150 lbs.

2010-07-29T08:15:00.000-04:00

Epic morning class yesterday. Nothing but me and 3 decidedly stronger, kinetically fascinating fellas. I knew it was going to be a rough day of being brutalized, but it had it's good points...

perhaps the one I am most looking forward to pursuing was the notion of logging hundreds, thousands of reps of just one move. Muscle memory is something I am a huge fan of, but finding willing participants of the notion of "repping it out" is extremely challenging. None of us seem to be granted any really solid attention span, in spite of being quasi-obsessed with BJJ. This is to be expected in the high school to college age boys, but what excuse have I?

this idea came up between my instructor and the first guy who showed up -- apparently the notion coming from team lloyd irvin? -- that logging a metric shit-ton of reps is a way to become really, really good. Makes sense to me. The trick, again, is finding someone who is willing to actually do the work.

I would consider getting a grappling dummy were it not for fear of faulty speculations should something happen, I die, and when people came to go through my belongings, found the dummy and assumed perversion. What a sucky tombstone that would make. "here lies timmyle, we found her stuffed lifesize man, and wtf?!"

anyhow, I know of only one person obsessed enough to do this, and unfortunately we only share one common day of the week for classes.

that was going well until additional people started finally showing up. then it naturally turned into round robin. fine. I'm still making my peace with round robin, king of the hill, whatever. I was with people who at least let me work some, which was cool, aside from the mental roadblock of the whole patronizing nature of it. Yes I realize I can't have it both ways. It's just annoying.

then even later strong wrestler type boy shows up. He missed the part where I asked "hey turn it down a notch or two, huh?" as he proceeded to do what wrestlers do: go apeshit crazy. I mean that with respect. Part of me is really jealous that I can't impose my will like that.

I hate those rolls. I go back to defend defend defend. Which I now seem to pair with a good measure of oh, you want to see who's stubborn? Sorry, but I'm not tapping to a half ass brabo. If I'm not losing oxygen/blood flow to my brain, nope it ain't happening. This guy had been decidedly selfish, so I decided to return favor.

go ahead, crank on my neck to and fro. squeeze your arms with all your might. That arm isn't under my neck, hell it's not even across my chin. You go ahead and flood your oversized, purty muscles with lactic acid. I ain't tapping. I am, however, going to enjoy watching you struggle against someone your own size next round-- with tired arms. Enjoy a taste of your own medicine.

I hate having an attitude like that, I know it's poor. At one point, as I was being sloppily flattened out with a decidedly ridiculous level of intensity, I said "hey, congrats. you're strong." I'm sure the insult was lost. I don't know, I should probably look at this as the fella respected me enough to go hard instead of be the limp rag roll (which I detest more than the roid rage roll, believe me), but damn.

I'm writing it off as "it's just the way it is" and trying to not let it affect me so much. The mindset of "resistance is futile" only feeds that perpetual defense mode thing I complain of.

At least I got some clutch advice -- I finally was told what it was I was doing that kept getting me armbarred or triangled from standing guard pass (I'm sure my regular training partners are going to be bummed), and given what was quite possibly the most hilarious and true suggestion:

from the mouth of Bowman, "stop being so nice"

I almost forgot the award winning part of yesterday's hayelp!-fest: I dealt with some really, really strong individuals, gave it as much as I could until things started getting sore and pulled, tried to enact some offense on occasion, and didn't experience any pain from my wrist. I think it's healed. I think if it weren't healing/healed, yesterday would have pointed out the weaknesses. It's weaker, my hand gets tired (an odd sensation), my grip isn't what it used to be, but those are all workwithable things.

game on. hell yeah.

yeah, listening to warnings. Not a strong point.

2010-07-22T09:40:00.000-04:00

Started wearing my vibram fivefingers to the gym to lift. And this was all fine and well on chest/shoulders day, but a couple of days ago was legs day.

Legs day is always a big ol mess of me loading up way too much and just wreaking havoc on myself, but I really didn't anticipate several things/effects here. Leg presses I put up more than I have in ages (but that has been a steady increase anyways). Lunges, I was weaker (I'm assuming conventional shoes were giving way more stabilization than I thought). My arch nemesis, the hack squat, is still a wash. I'm not losing anything, but the gains are obscenely slow. I'm still working on finding the proper foot placement/alignment so my knees don't get sore.

I'm mostly taken aback by just how freaking sore my ankles are. Since I equate soreness with progress, though, I'll just make note and adapt. And by adapt I really mean "go about my workouts just the same and tell my ankles to suck it up already."

My wrist is doing really, really good. I'm giving it another week before making further decision on 2nd round of shots, but I'm about 85% certain it won't be necessary. I'm a much friendlier person without the chronic annoyance and pain.

On the mats, though, I'm still rolling like it's hurt. Which isn't great, since I've already identified a severely lopsided nature to my rolling as is-- all defense, next best thing to no offense. Granted, my wrist was hurting for well over 6 months. It's just a habit I'll have to get over with time.

(dammit)

still trying to keep with doing clubbells once a week, just to recondition my grip strength. I'm toying with the idea of doing stand up work again, since the gym has a new boxing instructor. I occasionally miss hitting things. Not enough time in the day/week to do all the different types of training I want to do.

today = 1 week point

2010-07-15T09:19:00.000-04:00

A week ago I was driving home with my sore, numb, aching wrist pumped full of lidocaine and steroids. Doc advised that I give it a couple of weeks before deciding if I needed additional shots or surgery.

SO where am I with it? It is better, but not great, not 100%. It seems I have some soreness still remaining where the epicenter of the pain once was. The range of motion has not yet returned. And there is smaller soreness above and below the shot site -- my thumb joint, my forearms... still occasional numbness.

But it's only week one of two. I'm testing it minimally. In general I am keeping my activity level below what it was when my wrist hurt. I may lift today, but it won't be anything more than what I did before.

Meanwhile, I'm a few weeks away from 36. Took half a day off so I could go to judo that evening. I miss judo. It was such a nice compliment to bjj.

Stupid evening shift job. Most people I work with consider management positions to step up the ladder. I look at them as a means of getting a day shift again. I've an interest in a marketing vp position that remains open, but am hesitant to jump. Not many people I work with explain mgmt jobs to be anything but stressful. A lot of folks went back to hourly positions after spending time as mgmt.

Went back to reading business related books. I've not been a student in ages, and I think that it's critical that I keep exposing myself to new material, new readings to keep me alert. I hate the complacency of no longer being in school sometimes.

intermission. time to go yell at UPS and go lift.

heal, damn you.

2010-07-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

Heeeeeeaaaaaallllllllll!

Might need more shots. Wrist/thumb hurts differently, which I'm not sure qualifies as "less" nor "more"

De Quervain and his syndrome can suck it. I'm training tomorrow. Time to see where we're at with it.

wait and see. bah.

2010-07-10T09:10:00.000-04:00

day 2 of wait and see if my wrist heals. Waiting isn't my strong suit.

thinking I'm going to do chest and shoulders tomorrow, that should be a decent test. (I say test as though I'll base my next action on the results of said test. What'll really happen is, I'll go to the gym, lift as heavy as I can without causing damage, and resume my usual schedule Monday, the wrist will just have to heal on the fly)

What has been surprising has been how much I've stopped using my right hand in everyday functions. I'm far from ambidextrous, but I'm not missing it by much.

I'm still worried the shot won't work, and that I'll have to get another, and then surgery. The larger attached fear being it remotely affecting my ability to train.

Muffling those thoughts as much as I can. It's early. And i do feel a lot less pain. If nothing else, maybe I can actually enjoy some ps3 again. and handwriting.

shots

2010-07-09T10:01:00.000-04:00

So I was diagnosed with De Quervain's yesterday, and received a shot of lidocaine and some anti-inflammatory steroid. I was told that this is all that is required to "cure" 70% of the people who suffer from it.

However, I may need an additional shot. Or surgery. For now, it's wait and see.

Normally I wake up and my first thought is "Gawdamn! My wrist hurts!" Today it was "ow, my damn back." Pulled something yesterday and it's been all sore and spasmey. So, I'm thinking the wrist is feeling better, but I'm not sure if it's because of the shot working, or if it's currently being out-pained by my back. I think it's the former, though. It isn't even putting off the same amount of heat it normally does.

So I'm hopeful. Dr. said it should gradually heal over the next 2 weeks, and that I would know if it was working or not.

Instead of following the decidedly negative tone I had earlier this week, I got proactive and requested a private from my instructor. And scheduled one for the next morning. Worked on some variations of open guard and half guard, my go-to positions for offense for now.

Both used to be real strong points for me. Then everyone just started smashing me into side control, where I've been hanging out and defending for months... years... feh I lost count. Lots to work on and develop, for sure, and I look forward to it. I mean, just during that half hour or so, there's the groundwork for what I could easily be working on for the rest of the year and beyond.

but for today, it's forced rest. damn back. grrrrrrr

more ramblings

2010-07-05T12:16:00.000-04:00

more thoughts from camp--

I knew it before I even touched the mats when I got there. My jiu jitsu is horribly, horribly lopsided. I have no offense to speak of. I have long since grown accustomed to survival mode or defending to stalemates, or, more recently, getting caught midway through smash passing in a triangle or from said triangle into a nasty armbar (usually involving my already bad wrist).

This isn't uncommon, I found, as a few others mentioned the same affliction.

this is incredibly frustrating. My timing is non-existent, and I rarely see opportunities to attack. What attempts I do make are sloppy messes. Being told I have a good defense is of little consolation when the implication is: all someone has to do is quit attacking me, and I'll hand them something in the form of some half-hearted submission.

I hate being so predictable. But even since camp, I am realizing some serious ruts. Or a lack of branching out. Whichever way you want to look at it. I have gone from floundering in bottom side control to at least having the presence of mind to turn in and assume turtle, which is less miserable to be trapped in than side control, but once again: not really progress when it's just the next place I get stuck.

and I spend so much of my mat time just trapped in bottom side control. to the point it's making me bored -- a really rare sensation I feel towards bjj. Well, more frustrated than bored. But I'm also wondering do my training partners not get similarly tired of just sitting on me the whole time? I mean, myself, when I am seeing a pattern of mistake, I wheel back and figure "let's look at this and see where it's going wrong and make corrections."

no such help comes. And it's annoying as hell. Oh hey, congrats, you've got me in side control YET AGAIN. What a challenge it must have been. maybe this is just a symptom of training with people of equal rank. All jockeying for their next stripe/promotion. Why help anyone else? Or maybe this is is just what happens when your instruction is 90% king of the hill open mats.

morning class has a revolving cast of characters. Never sure which training partners will show up, which of them are cool with helping, which aren't. No real guidance. No wonder I've been stuck at same rank for years. I hate having this negative attitude about it, but I'm also done taking all of the blame for it.

and this is taking a much nastier tone than I'd like. I'm going to walk it off and get back to other tasks. I'm going to reorganize my kitchen today, dammit. TODAY. Step one: make the kitchen accessible and efficient, that I may feel more inclined to GASP cook my own meals.

Can't really go shopping yet, no room in the fridge. That will be next step.

I'm trying, honest, to make positive changes. But sometimes it's trying me.

at blogging, I = teh suck.

2010-07-02T22:31:00.001-04:00

okay. I could seriously crash the internet gushing about the grappling camp last weekend in Richmond. And I will, it'll just take several attempts. or episodes. whichever.

also, typing for extended periods of time no longer works well with my wrist. (now that I've said that, watch me enter a novella)

my wrist that I'm going to an ortho surgeon this coming Thursday for. And hoping and praying I don't have to actually have surgery on, but acknowledging that something has to be done about this constant pain and weakness and inability to use to 100% effectiveness. I'm a little scared, sometimes a lot scared. The suspected diagnosis thus far is whatever DeQuervain's syndrome is.

they can do whatever they need to, so long as it aligns itself to long term ability to train.

I'm also going to try and restart using the PN system for regulating my apparently chaotic diet. I'm assing up the paleo diet in a major way. I hope to ultimately mesh the two. But first things first: whatever works.

so, as I alluded to, last weekend I packed up my truck and hauled out, solo as usual, to Richmond with no idea what to expect. I didn't know anyone there, wasn't entirely sure what to expect, and wasn't sure how long (or if) my wrist would let me participate. But I'd read about these camps before, and was so jealous of the experience it looked like -- how could I pass on the opportunity to train with a.) other women; b.) other women of varying belt levels; c.) some of the women whose bjj careers I have followed and admired and gained inspiration from?

what if I went and got my ass handed to me in merciless fashion? what if my wrist totally fell apart? how many weeks afterwards would I be eating top ramen? what if these people turned out to be assholes? what if I turned out to be the asshole?

feh. those insecurities were told to STFU and get in the backseat and buckle up. My bjj had stalled out, I was really frustrated with my practice, and wasn't sure what to do about it. Maybe this is what I needed to shake me out of my doldrums. Maybe this would be the ignition.

best. decision. ever.

Every person there was insanely cool, and nice, and helpful. And perhaps most important of all, JUST LIKE ME.

again - just like me. it was nice to be around people who understand how this study becomes more of a lifestyle than anything else. it's not a hobby, that's way too impersonal.

I'm skipping ahead here, quite a bit, but one of the larger points I took home with me was what's missing. In my bjj trip, in my attempts to lose weight, get stronger, and just about anything in general: lack of support. I don't really have a reliable, consistent, positive support system in place.

and at least half of the blame is mine. I isolate, refuse help, pridefully soldier on through whichever given adversity I face, getting by on being stubborn. And while there's plenty to be said for those traits when they're expressed in a positive fashion, but realistically, it's been coming more from a spiteful place.

I've come by it honest. I've had some really ugly stuff going on personally for the past few months, and it's poisoned the well. Actually, it may even go as far back as when I lost my grandparents. They were a huge support, and that void has loomed large in my world.

I didn't realize how off I've been. Grappling camp was the first time in a long time I've really felt like myself again. Not just in my bjj studies, but in general. And I'm looking to do whatever it takes to sustain that. I'm tired of restarts. Trying again. And I mean that in the sense that I know I can do all of these things, these goals I have are within reach. I just need a little support.

so I'm gonna try and not be such a wolfpack of one.

ouch. wrist says stop. more detailed gushing on chick grappling camp later.

in a happier place

2010-05-01T07:40:00.000-04:00

While I am still stuck on what seems to be a perpetual sentence to evening shift at work, at least the morning BJJ schedule was expanded to 3 mornings a week. This has been a godsend, not just to my practice and progress, but my whole well being.

no jiu jitsu, no life. This Wednesday, someone asked why sharks are so often chosen as gym mascots (our own being a hammerhead shark). I suggested "because they never stop moving, if they stop moving, they die." I've always had a soft spot in my heart for sharks (I still get teary eyed at the end of Jaws, and as a child, broke into an absolute fit of sobbing the first time I saw the shark get killed), as if I empathize with the notion. I'm hyper by nature. Short fused at times. I get bored way too easy. I stop moving, I start dying.

I feel the exact same way about jiu jitsu. If I can't train, it breaks my heart. Being able to do so now, three times a week, has been a real saving grace in a time chock full of stressful bullshit.

It hasn't been all smiles and happy rainbows, I'm having real serious frustration in being overpowered again and again. Having to ask "can you give me a little less resistance so I can actually try the move?" over and over. I absolutely detest that I'm weaker than the guys. I accept it more than I used to, but I still hate the humiliation of having to admit the weakness.

But that same tooling has to be making me better. And there's probably been more progress than I think. I just can't see it myself. I try not to let these frustrating phases overwhelm my profound joy and desire to keep learning, keep trying.

I got a new iPhone last week, and immediately started using an app to track my exercise and eating. I don't need a drill sergeant, I need to see figures. Connect input with results, good and bad. This week, I committed to toeing the caloric restrictions it suggested. I also added a goal of staying below 150 g of carbohydrates each day. Achieved that in the vast majority of the days, easily stayed below the caloric goals, didn't starve at all, and lost at least 3.5 pounds.

It wasn't that hard at all. I can do this. I feel better already. I'm upping my protein intake, and I think that's helping me not be sore as much. Which means I can get back to training more. Burning more goop. Unearthing more muscle. Becoming a leaner shark, that I might better keep up with the rest.

getting back in the saddle

2010-04-11T15:20:00.000-04:00

This week I have what is most likely my final chiro visit re: my wrist issue. It isn't 100%, but it's far better than what it was. I think if I keep icing it daily, doing the stretching, and just being careful in general, I'll be fine.

More importantly, morning bjj classes have expanded-- I can go three mornings a week now, which is probably the best news I've had in weeks. I miss the evening class crew, but with no job, I can afford no jiu jitsu, so there ya go.

Sadly, I've found that my mat stamina is shot all to hell. All the airdyning, elliptical training, biking, etc. has amounted to approximately jack squat when it comes to not being a weak kitten on the mats. At least my mind stayed sharp -- moves, counters, strategies played in my head while I rolled briefly last Wednesday, neurons dutifully shot off ideas to my muscles.

And the muscles said "yeah, go f()*& yourself. We're tired"

Fine, for now, I'm only good for maybe 10 minutes. Hopefully by the end of this week, it'll be 12. Next week, 15. Onward. It's been torturous, not training bjj. I've missed it so much that I'm elated to even come dragging home from a class where I've summarily had my ass kicked the whole time.

I've lost most of my weekend to watching the PanAms. I'm pouring through old GracieMags. I'm loading my ipod with more instructionals than I can ever hope to watch. Yep, addiction is back in full bloom.

got the airdyne

2010-03-07T19:52:00.000-05:00

Probably the only positive thing I can report at this point is I finally came up on an airdyne, and have set it up in my living room.

I am presently under the care of my chiropractor in trying to resolve this chronic wrist issue. I have another 3 visits this week, and this friday we decide whether this is working or not. If it is, great. If it is not, I'm probably looking at shots or surgery.

Under her advice I did not train last week. And I probably shouldn't this week either. I am, however, still hitting up nautilus. Had a decent overall effort last week.

Work schedule keeps changing (sometimes even mid-week), which has made it seriously difficult to manage my training time, diet, sleep, and anything else. I do not do well with all the gear-shifting. I really need for work to stabilize into some sort of predictable pattern so that I can plan accordingly.

my weight loss has stalled out for 2 weeks. I've made some poor choices, haven't worked out as much as I normally would like to, slept poorly, and failed to stay on any sort of schedule. The only thing I can do is try and do a better job of controlling the factors I can affect, and try to minimize the effects of what variables I can't control.

It's just really hard when there is little to no support for the efforts. Having a trainer question me every other day doesn't motivate me, it just amplifies how bad I already feel about being stalled out. Being injured means light/no workouts. Which just bums me out that much more. It's a bitch of a cycle.

but I know what I need to do. Just need to put it to work.

the guilty check in/update

2010-02-14T11:09:00.000-05:00

well, I don't know that "guilt" is the right word. One can only document so much on so many forums...

At any rate, it's roughly a month in from my last post, and weight loss continues. I'm down a total of roughly 15 now, which is on point for my goals so far -- steady 2# loss a week.

Things I've learned: quit eating full meals late. More protein. Don't let emotional matters influence your eating. More protein. Yes, vanilla is in fact a screw-uppable flavor. More protein (not vanilla). Less is more (except for protein). I don't need to redline everything I do in order to make progress. If anything, it's detrimental to my progress when my joints are tore up, I'm tired, sick, etc.

Other things: why why WHY do I keep getting sick? I don't go around licking doorknobs. I wash my hands. What the crap? I've been like, skipping from cold to cold all winter. And yes, mom, I got a flu shot. This is ultimately the most frustrating deterrent to my progress (besides snow, perhaps).

I'm a few weeks out from investing in an airdyne for my apartment. Will probably move a weider crossbow (think generic bowflex) in shortly thereafter. That is, if I don't move between now and then. I am stepping up my house search chiefly because I'm tired of sharing living space with a building full of chain smoking morons who routinely wake me up late at night AND early in the morning. I am firmly convinced that half my ailments are due to allergic/asthmatic reactions to the ever-present aroma of various smokes in my building. Air purifiers not so much helping.

So I need my own space. I need to not share walls or floors with others. And I'm really at a point where I need my monthly payments to earn me some equity instead of lining the pockets of my lazy landlords. Let more drug dealers move into my place. I'll free up another slot for them.

I can't really post of any progress in jiu jitsu, because I think I've only been maybe twice in the span of a month. I've been sick THAT often. I am noticing a marked re-interest in stand up. Hell, I even ordered new bag gloves (some killer-looking Rivals. I'm anxious to see if that cross strap makes any difference to wrist stability, review pending, naturally).

This year's main goal is dropping weight. Running a close second is getting to stripe #2. I've been at 1 stripe since Sept. 2008. Granted, I've been through a host of school changes in that time, but still. There's some consistency available now, so it's time to also put my training on rails and move forward.

Recalibrate and try again

2010-01-17T10:06:00.000-05:00

Wrist issue has been diagnosed as tendonitis. Advice? Well take a pile of advil for 2 weeks and see how it feels. If that doesn't work, we'll try cortisone shots. If not that, surgery.

Okay so I did that. And it pretty much feels the same. I can't flex my thumb more than 30-45 degrees. This makes for a host of painful annoyances on the mats.

Oh yeah, took like a month and a half off from bjj, judo, the whole bit. I'm doing my own diagnoses from now on. The first one being: bjj and judo didn't cause my tendonitis. So I'm back at it.

I'm very fortunate to have a friend I train with whose spent time as a personal trainer. He's helping me out, since I clearly have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore. As of this writing, I'm on the eve of my 2nd Monday morning weigh in. Last week, I'd dropped 6 pounds. And that was with only one trip to nautilus and one night of bjj. That is, 6 pounds off just from diet.

Variables at play this week include daily morning cardio, whether or not I'll continue to have egg protein shakes before said cardio (or go on empty stomach henceforth), and one variable I KNOW I'll be changing: yeah, just because I had a 2-a-day training day that ended with an evening of martial arts training doesn't mean I get to pork out on a footlong from subway.

(I say pork out, but at least they were relatively harmless in terms of content. It was the portion size methinks that was off the standards I'm aiming for)

I'm nervous and anxious to see what the scales say tomorrow morning. I'm being way more public about it because I probably need the pressure of guilt to stay on point.

As for bjj, I was utterly frustrated by a number of items. Butterfly guard in general eludes me, both in offense and especially defense. As in escapes. I can't correctly judge which way to shift my weight when in butterfly guard. I identified quickly that my base being limited compared to most everyone means I'll have to find other methods (I say base in terms of the say the base of a pyramid - the available span I have to balance my posting points -- it's smaller than 90% of my opponents, so it's making it way easy for them to off-balance me).

People escaping my open guard by backing out. Laziness on my part, I am sure. That, and I'm accustomed to most people playing into my open guard with forward pressure instead. I need to work on keeping hooks in, keeping them near so as to tie them up/sweep.

Tying up too high on the arm for omoplatas. My legs are biting up way up into the armpit/shoulder, which is all fine and well for making the opponent topple, but when I go for that rotation to sit up and lock in the omoplata, my mobility is limited by having my hips pinned to their shoulder. I can't achieve the sit-up.

My grips are severely affected right now. Setting up chokes is about out. Difficulty with moves involving changing grips from sleeve to sleeve. Can't post much, nor push away using my right hand. Trying to maintain c-grips to secure elbows when applicable. Pistol grip is out. All tendonitis related. grrrrrr.

Judo proved more difficult. Not surprising, given the gripping issues. Need to work on my leg sweep more in O soto gari.

Still, all in all, it was nice to be back to the usual grind.

back to the drawing board

2009-11-11T08:31:00.000-05:00

Well, scratch that last program.

I am not in a place where my body will let me go to the gym every morning to do HIIT cardio and left 2-3 times a week, AND train bjj and judo 3 times a week. Not yet.

Hit the wall last Thursday. My lead hand wrist has been really really sore and stiff for a couple of weeks now (no idea why), and I had my knee give out in judo. That (the knee) was my absolute red flag sign: I haven't had knee issues in a LONG time.

The knee seems fine now, the wrist not so much, but what I'm thinking/hoping is the case is that these weren't specific incidents where I will have chronic issues with these joints. I think I was just asking too much from my body at once.

NO coincidence that this philosophy happens to follow in the footsteps of a recent issue of GracieMag that espouses the overall lifestyle that tends to enter the life of anyone who trains in bjj and wants to do so for the rest of their life. Last week I also changed up my diet to restrict carbs (to varying success - man that's a hard habit to break), and last week I didn't get anywhere NEAR enough sleep. And work had me all bent out of shape.

That probably lead to a cumulative inflammatory overreaction in my system. Way more than could be handled by a few fish oil capsules.

So this week I'm making a point to sleep more. Reel back the lifting to days that I'm not training martial arts that evening. Doing intu-flow daily again to nourish the connective tissue and sort of recenter myself. Enough water.

Cautiously approaching today and tomorrow. Bjj private today, might do regular class as well tonight, judo tomorrow night. Not sure how/if my wrist will handle that.

We shall see.

Cheating on my husband

2009-11-01T09:34:00.000-05:00

Oh how proud my journalism professors would be, using a lead like that.

I used to think of BJJ as a boyfriend that treated me like shit, but I kept chasing after anyways. Well, we've long since gone to couples therapy, and it's more like a marriage now. A good one, not one of those ones you see disintegrate on Jerry Springer.

Lately, though... I've been fooling around with my husband's best friend: judo. And I don't care what the neighbors may think.

Okay, enough metaphor. I'm having an absolute BLAST in judo class (which isn't to say I don't in BJJ), and I think the work of gripfighting and trying to read the momentum of what I'm doing or what my partner is doing is going to translate over well to my work in BJJ. And maybe it already is. I'm really hoping it improves my timing, especially with sweeps since I find myself in a defensive posture the vast majority of the time in bjj.

Maybe it's because I'm encouraged to use strength with my technique. Maybe it's just a natural inclination I have to throw people. Maybe it's just the experience of studying something almost entirely new to me. Whichever, I'm finding myself newly inspired. And that's always something I welcome.

In bjj, I'm toeing the line of going hypercritical on myself, a common derailment that has reared its head in my studies all along. I'm trying very very hard to not get frustrated, to instead try harder to make things work, make things stick (my biggest obstacle), and make things flow (a close 2nd place in the obstacle department). It is my intention to drill more with people, but life keeps getting in the way. And few and far between are the people who will lower themselves to just drilling (read: letting the old rusty broad flop about and try to get the moves down).

ADD is no friend to learning bjj. Last week I had a horrible evening because I couldn't focus. Too many moves, too much rushing about, not enough reps, and nowhere near the attention span I needed. The harder I tried to focus, the more easily distracted I became. Which only made me that much angrier and less capable of focusing. I told a friend later that I wish the drug companies could come up with something akin to an asthma inhaler for ADD. It doesn't derail me like this that often, but when it does, it is horribly infuriating.

dialing back my lifting a bit this week. I'm restricting my lifting days to those day in which I'm not training bjj or judo that night. Doubling up on those days is causing more damage than I can heal from. I'm skirting injury. Probably looking at lifting and cardio intervals 2 mornings a week, the rest will go to cardio intervals only. Rest on the weekends.

I'm frustrated on the nutrient timing angle of this though. I know I need to make more wholesale changes to my regular diet, but can't seem to find 2 sources that agree on the whats and hows of it. Carbs are okay or not? Restrict them after 7pm or allow if post-workout? I hate to waste time with a procedure that isn't going to work, but I also know it generally takes 8-10 weeks of consistency before I can tell if something is or is not working for me.

Maybe this week I will try and go back to protein shakes for dinner. Mostly protein. carbs only from recovery drink. It's hard though, I usually come home pretty hungry. Maybe some fruit/clean carbs in the afternoon before training.

We'll see how less lifting affects things. Judo is my last day of martial arts training for the week, typically. By Friday morning, I'm pretty fatigued. Sore knees, sore wrist, sometimes weak ankles -- I'm hoping those are just signs that I can eradicate by backing off a little on lifting, and getting back on track with my fish oil supplementation.

I guess we'll see by year's end.

Review: Nogi's 2009 product line... copied from my post on sherdog

2009-10-18T12:43:00.000-04:00

Hoodie detail just didn't come out like I wanted. The white logo is actually similar to the white kingpin shorts (i.e. -- has the tiny grey o's on them).

The material of the volts is slightly lighter (to me) than the kingpins. Embroidery is insanely nice on all models.

Actually a lot of things to discuss here, so I'm probably going to go at it a piece at a time. We'll start with the hoodie. For those of you who don't know, I'm female, so my opinions on sizing will likely not be as accurate for you fellas. I've got more curves than y'all, but for what it's worth, I'm really short and have pretty stout legs/quads. Wear an A2 gi. Far from frail.

Yes, you need to order up a size for the sherpa lined hoodie. At least one size. If you plan on wearing a thicker top (i.e.-- sweater, fleece, anything much more than a t-shirt or perhaps thermal), maybe 2 sizes up. The sherpa lining is THICK. I normally get large regular hoodies from Nogi, and this actually fits about the same by the time the lining is accounted for.

too a few more shots to try and show the detail on the chest logo, the embroidery on the hood, and the thumbholes for hand warmth.

also, ipod pocket within the front left pocket is an added bonus. Has a reinforced metal grommet for your headphone wire to poke through. Not sure it'll fit my big video ipod, but certainly ample space for a shuffle or nano.

outer material is heavyweight cotton, don't see it failing anytime soon. Embroidery is absolutely superb. Would LOVE to see color variants on this. Maybe a white outer, red embroidery, grey lining using the black kingpin material? Hell, as long as it ain't pink. lol

gorgeous hoodie. I have zero complaints.

more grey volt shots

front side

front leg embroidery

back side

back leg applique

side shot

side leg embroidery

front closure embroidery

front closure/inside waistband

As a fan of the previous ghosts/phantoms from Nogi, the grey, black, and brown Volts are all wonderful iterations along that forefather design. These run to right at/below my kneecaps (sorry, no pics, I need to shave). Ample leg openings - no kick restrictions whatsoever. To me, the cut of these, especially the seam placements, make for guard-friendly action. Your hips should be plenty free from restriction in these.

closure is solid, the velcro is strong as is its stitching (for those concerned by previous model's velcro being too strong for the stitching, that appears to have been addressed). For you fans of drawstrings, that has also been implemented. While a departure from prior Nogi closure systems, this one is just as good. I've noted no chafing from the wider closure fixture when playing guard or being stacked.

no pockets on this model, so no concerns of getting fingers or toes snagged while playing ground game.

the back leg has a graphic imprint on it -- seems sturdy to me, no breakdown after repeat washings at this point. Plenty of open space for your own sponsors, incidentally.

the embroidery to the side leg and front right leg is fantastic - a hallmark of Nogi. Overall stitching seems solid to me thus far.

material is typical Nogi fare - lightweight but durable, and just as comfy as anything I've encountered on the market today. Moreso, actually. Nogis continue to be my standard for comfort - I wear these as much for hanging out as I do training (although the 2 tend to overlap more and more for me these days).

the 2-sided beanie:

and I mean, it's a beanie. a damned handsome one at that. two, actually.

I find the material on the Kingpins to be thicker than the Volts, but just as comfortable. The graphics are very very sharp. Outstanding embroidery.

this model has a back pocket, incidentally. And it's free-floating - meaning there's a separate pouch for the pocket that isn't 100% fixed to the inside of the short. Typical velcro closure similar to the old Grill shorts.

slight split to leg opening, not that it needed it. As much ornamental as functional I would wager - an appeasement to those who insist on needing a split on the leg opening.

The piping is nice, sturdy.

I'm imagining that the heft of these shorts comes more from materials being layered atop the black "frame" material -- if you look at the shorts inside out, you see it's not like one piece attached to another piece of material. Don't be deterred by the issue of weight, it isn't cumbersome. The comfort level is certainly not compromised. If anything, it just makes the shorts feel nicer, of higher quality. Being limited editions, I'm sure that's to be expected.

rashguards - speed short sleeves, rank rashguards, and loose-fit.

lower profile neck on the rank rashguards, but the neck of the regular speeds are also lower profile than, say, atama rashguards... otherwise, the speed rashguards are thin, sturdy fare. I've yet to have any degradation of graphics on my nogi rashguards, and expect no different from these. The material is a bit thin, but far from flimsy.

the blue of my long-sleeve guard was lighter and the short sleeve model, but may've just been a coincidence of timing - I did not order both at the same time.

on the ranked rashguards, I especially like that the side seams are offset to run just slightly towards the front and back -- that is, not going perfectly down the sides. I believe this allows for better dispersal of stress to the garment according to specific typical demands. Layman's terms, it ain't gonna tear as easy from strain as it might were it constructed like a typical shirt/rashguard with regards to seam placement.

Generous length, overall -- I never worry about the bottom of the rashguard riding up from my gi pants or shorts.

smooth stitching/seamwork - no chafing that I've noticed.

the loose fit is a thicker lycra than the speeds. minimalist logos. generous sleeve length on the short sleeve model.

baby steps

2009-08-29T13:57:00.000-04:00

that I've not updated in over a month is less a testament to inactivity than it is spare time to do so.

In starting back to more serious training, I reeled back everything else I was doing in terms of exercise. I hit the reset button, and elected to instead pursue bjj practice, and little else, until my body re-acquainted itself to those rigors and demands.

several weeks later, I'm ready to start adding things back in. Some weight training, but chiefly some interval training for cardio. Right now, that's only being paired with my lift days. ~24-30 minutes of HIIT cardio followed by sets of maybe 2-3 exercises per major body part/mechanism to failure. A friend recommended it to me after I whined about my quads crapping out on me/filling with lactic acid - enzymatic training.

Since everything I've tried doesn't seem to elicit the results I want, I'm taking his advice for a few months. Or at least, I'm going to try to. I need to add more HIIT sessions of just cardio, since really my primary goal is weight loss at this point. I'm way too heavy to execute, and it's also impeding my flexibility. And I'm sure it's probably inviting injury as well. I've just been lucky with that.

and aside from recovery drinks/shakes, no carbs after 7pm. This will be hard. It will mean dinner = muscle milk or some similar derivative for the foreseeable future. Evenings that I am training bjj/etc I rarely get home before 830pm. But carb restriction is also something I've yet to try, so I'm certainly not going to pass judgment on it until I have at least given it its fair shot.

I would like to be able to do HIIT in the mornings, but I'm not precisely sure whether that means getting up doubly early to go to the gym for cardio machines, or if maybe I'll do something along the ilk of CST/flow-fit/bodyweight activities. Or even going downstairs to do some bas rutten thai boxing on the heavy bag.

I'm also going to have to figure out a means of getting to sleep faster on my bjj nights. None of this will be as effective if I don't get rest.

ON A MORE BJJ RELATED RANT... training has been going okay. I'm still a little overwhelmed really with all of the material, and last week was derailed by a family emergency that feels as though it lasted weeks in terms of interrupting my training. But hopefully all will get back on track soon. I'm hoping to get to start attending the judo class followed perhaps by muay thai, since I'm never really certain if/when I'll train bjj on weekends.

Trying to do private lessons at least every other week, and I think it is helping, but it's just difficult to see sometimes. With so many people intent on going full bore (when they are already stronger than me), that nullifies some of my new technique. I don't want to stoop to she-hulking my way through things, but the temptation to do so is always there.

with injury usually lurking close behind it.

that said, time to suit up and go do HIIT and pick some new upper/mid back lifts to torture myself with.

change is very, very good.

2009-07-10T19:09:00.000-04:00

In between work and overtraining, I've not taken the time to blog. Which should not at all be taken to mean I've had nothing worth blogging about.

Quite the contrary.

My first couple of weeks back, I plodded through the first hour of class, maybe a little over, but nothing resembling rolling. Took the other nights off to go do hamster wheel cardio or what not.

Then it kicked back in. Two nights a week quickly turned back into as many nights as available, which quickly turned into sore knee joints, troubled shoulders, and a host of gis drying from every doorframe.

I'm sure the local water company is elated.

I'm learning so much, not absorbing enough. I want more drill time, but need more rest time. My notebook is filling up, but I insist on researching one more move and detailing it.

Ah yes, welcome back to the obsession. How I missed it.

But now I'm realizing that while the will may be strong, the flesh is weak. I can't train every night. Not yet. I'm in no shape for it. And there's no sense pouting about it, it is what it is.

So I'm trying to figure out how to maximize my ground work time while minimizing the effects of overtraining. Sadly, I think I'm going to have to give up the tuesday/friday MMA class. While I love doing it, it isn't bringing my ground game to anyplace I really need to take it. I'm not going to be cage fighting any time soon. And my stand up is okay. As okay as it needs to be really. And I'm not sure that the class isn't causing undue wear and tear on my already beleaguered joints.

I have a lot of ground to make up (no pun intended), and I really shouldn't donate training time to something that isn't maximizing my improvement.

but dammit, I like hitting things sometimes.

I believe I'll resolve to occasionally take the class on fridays, when I know I'm not going to be training on saturday. I've got to recover. There are only so many pills from GNC to take, so many pain reliefs gels and creams to paint myself in, before I simply have to acknowledge that I'm pushing too hard.

As for bjj study, I've had ah-ha moments involving s-mount, half open guard, guard passing, open guard, omoplatas, diamond guard, armbars, triangles, hell... more than I can count. And my notebook is filling up so fast it's unamusing. And by unamusing I mean completely awesome.

change, for me, has been exceptionally good. I hope this continues for a long, long time.

first full week back at it

2009-06-27T12:09:00.000-04:00

Accomplished three days of training this week - two of bjj, one of beginner's mma.

While I have plenty of improvement to make, I'll celebrate the tiny victories of NOT gassing out after the first hour, the hallmark of my other scattered visits this month.

For bjj, I'm looking at reprogramming a lot of moves/positions. Granted, this happens all the time over the course of anyone's bjj practice, but damned if it didn't initially make me wonder what the sam hell I've been doing/learning/half-assing up until now. But I've trained with so many different gyms/schools/people to know that there is NO definitive armbar, guard pass, or scarf hold. And every time I think I've found the new ultimate variant, I'm proven wrong.

But that's cool. Refinement is key.

And I surely won't be getting bored anytime soon, not that that's much of a threat with bjj. I have plenty of refinements to make. How I set in kesa getame (and how my school's theories on it compare with the new Kesting vid I've been watching on it). Utilizing the cross grips when applying the armbar from guard (maybe I'm lazy, maybe it's my short arms, but I tend to rely more on applying an armbar via leg/hip mobility - a trend that pervades probably the vast majority of my techniques... damn I need to work on shoulder instability so I can grow some balls about my arm strength). Utilizing pants grips.

MMA class is mostly for ego gratification. I'll admit it. I came from stand up, and it's something that I'm not necessarily wanting to focus on full time, but it's something I can feel some degree of aptitude at and have less reason to be critical of myself. I say that now, but I'm sure I'll find a way to start tearing apart my stand up in due time.

I haven't had my boxing gloves on in probably the better part of a year. I didn't expect to last long at all. I managed a round on the mitts, five on the heavy bag, and another round doing ground and pound on a grounded bag. Sure, my biceps are a little sore today, handwriting has been tough, and the spread across my back from shoulder to shoulder is fatigued, but other than that, all is well. I'd forgotten how much fun it was.

We also worked on some throws that I'm assuming were judo based, but I recognized more from my study of Gracie self defense. Those were fun as well, especially with the advantage of having a crash pad to land/throw on. Takes the apprehension out of being tossed. Well, it did until my partner misjudged the distance and plopped me down on the floor.

I finished my first full 4x7 protocol this week as well. I will certainly stick to this idea when I can, although I really can't control the intensity of bjj/mma training. I can, however, control the supplemental training, and maybe that will do. I've not yet started a new 4x7 but I plan to soon. I'm just trying to suss out what aspects of CST I will encorporate this go round.

the first protocol was a bodyweight exercised based one for fat loss. Being that I ballooned up 10-15 lbs. on prednisone in the middle of the protocol, I have no idea what the effectiveness was. I'm nearing my pre-prednisone weight now, so I can surely attribute the protocol's work to that. However, I honestly felt as though I could've been doing more this whole time. Maybe not on the low and no intensity days, but on the moderate and high intensity days, I felt as though I should've been doing more.

The next protocol will involve weight-bearing exercises for sure. That may only be clubbell work, or it may be clubbells and going back to doing some lifting at the regular gym. I'm also abandoning hamster wheel cardio. LSD cardio isn't doing much for me besides burning calories in a slow and boring manner. I will, however, try to shift to interval cardio. I know the ArcTrainer has a dandy interval program or two, but the elliptical machine does not. I may alternate the arctrainer with rowing or the airdyne for intervals and see how that goes.

I'm also re-reading John Berardi's Precision Nutrition. I did some cleaning up of my basic diet a year or so ago, and the few (very few) changes I made yielded great results-- consistently lower cholesterol, and just feeling better overall. Clearly I have more work to do. Being that my new job will keep me in a controlled setting, that means I can better control what I'm consuming. I need to figure out what the smart things to pack in my lunch pail to graze on all day are.

other training/suck it up.

2009-06-07T13:14:00.000-04:00

So I'm kinda thinking that I may as well document my "side" training in CST - circular strength training - as well since it's quite aligned with my bjj training.

Last week I started my first dedicated attempt at a 4x7 protocol on intensity cycling that I really think may be of benefit to me, since it keeps me from redlining all the time. You're basically starting on a moderate day, then a high intensity day, then NO intensity, low intensity, then repeat.

Note: rest is forced. I need this in my world. I am an idiot and will go go go until I mess up a knee, shoulder, spleen, whatever. This was a fine procedure to follow back when I was in high school, and maybe through my 20s, but those days, sadly, are long over.

The hilarity I'm finding in this 4x7 thing is that I have the most difficulty out of my low intensity days. Those are reserved for prasara yoga flows and maybe some intu-flow sequences. But mostly, it's the yoga. And yoga is kicking my ass.

Yoga isn't hard in the conventional sense, but it has brought a new humiliating factor to training for me. It's like going from playing an overdriven electric guitar to a 6-string acoustic. All of your sloppiness is going to be blatantly obvious, if not amplified by the lack of noise to cover it up. You cannot force your way through yoga, there is no muscling through it, nor rushing. You do either, you're probably going to eff yourself up nicely.

and then you're going to feel ultra stupid explaining that no, you can't roll or whatever because you hurt yourself doing yoga. you've spent the prior 3 days doing jumping squats, spinal rocks, leg swoops, clubbell swings, etc. but NO, you hurt yourself trying to hold a pose for a few breaths. You wiped out, pranged your wrist or tweaked an elbow and now you're all zen injured. idiot.

it's been a long while since yoga was a regular part of my training, and I know why now. because it doesn't have that immediate gratification of say lifting, or swinging clubbells or kettlebells, or ripping off 400 calories in 20 minutes on the cybex machine, etc. you don't necessarily emerge from yoga with your shirt discolored with sweat, in a pattern that says "I can pick up really heavy things and crush them in my mighty hands" and if there's a high five involved, you're giving it to yourself internally. such celebration might seem, I don't know, brutish and eff up everyone's chakra. or something.

but here's the thing: yoga forces your lazy ass to be present in the moment of what you're doing. It forces you to see what parts of your structure are faulty, and no amount of muscle is going to fix it for you. you're just going to have to deal with it, work around it, and work up to it.

because it is giving me this much grief, maybe that's my sign to work a little harder on it. and so I will.

in other quasi-related blabbering, I think I will go back to bjj this week. my burnout isn't getting any better sitting at home. I didn't use to structure bjj around whatever was going on in my life. it WAS my life, and things got scheduled around bjj. I'm making myself more bummed out staying away than I could possibly feel going back.

I've spent all weekend reading updates on the world championships in CA this weekend, so clearly the interest is still there. I finally plowed through that Gracie mag, too. All good signs. :)

burnout/lost muse

2009-06-01T20:04:00.000-04:00

while it's far from the first time I've experienced it, I'm amidst one of those horrid burned out phases.

and the timing sucks. I'm starting to go to a whole `nuther gym to train at. Plenty of new people to roll with, new things to learn, etc. and I can't seem to generate the usual compulsive level of interest for training. A new Gracie Mag showed up in my mailbox today, and all I can think is "Gee, I haven't even finished the last two issues."

Normally I tear through those the day they arrive. I leafed through mine a little while, but then sat it down.

It's still the reason I drag myself onto a hamster wheel cardio machine at the gym for boring half hours upon half hours. Why I lift heavy things and put them back down until my body whines for me to stop, and then do it a few more times. Why I subsidize several supplement companies with my purchases. Why I keep looking into new means of improvement to flexibility, recovery rates, endurance, stamina, functional strength. Why I have no room for regular clothes. Why my truck windows are littered with bjj/mma stickers until it looks like a Nascar contender. Why I no longer bruise easily (and rarely care when I do).

It breaks my heart when these phases come into my life. Sure, they've always passed, but damn, never quickly enough.

It's ridiculous. For as many nagging "why don't you just quit" thoughts, there are just a few more "you can't stop now" ones.

hmm. Tarsis Humphreys does look triumphant on that cover, though. Maybe I'll just check out a few more pages of Gracie Mag.

Necessary Items: Cryogel

2009-05-23T07:45:00.000-04:00

When I first started training in any sort of combat sport, I thought Tiger Balm was the endgame for pain relief. Joint pain, muscular pain, bruising, anything at all, I was smearing Tiger Balm on it. And while it clears the sinuses nicely, and the heat may feel kinda nice at times, I've since moved on to better things - both in terms of olfactory irritation and actual treatment of pain.

I present, for your consideration, Cryogel.

I first tried Cryogel when a fellow on the Sherdog gear and equipment forums offered to send samples out to anyone who wanted to try the stuff. Hell, no risk there-- it's a no brainer! A few days later, I received a padded envelope with a fistful of sample size packets-- two of each "flavor" of cryogel.

Cryogel is interesting in that it clearly works off of a cooling effect, which makes a little more sense given most ailments from combat sports training is coming from a place of inflammation. Why would you add heat to something that was already inflamed?

However, in my own usage at least, I notice a weird numbing almost heat feel to it as well, as it sinks in. Whatever it is, it's highly soothing. Great for those random bruises you get in training. DOMS too. And there were many times when I was experiencing knee pain that Cryogel allowed me to keep training (since, you know, it was intelligent to keep training on bum joints).

Fortunately, I train a little smarter now, so I don't need to use Cryogel as much, but you best believe I don't allow myself to run low on it. I keep a tube or roll-on of it in my gym bag, and several lying about the house.

Cryogel is available in either squeeze-it-out tubes or roll-on (like deodorant). I use both, but tend to favor the roll-ons since there's less chance for a mess in the gym bag. Three scents are available : original blue (which I'm hearing has been re-tooled to smell a little less medicinal), Island Rain green (my favorite, as it's the least offensive/noticable), and Lavender purple (which also smells nice, but is more noticable. has a slight patchouli/pothead smell that reminds me of college).

You can normally find Cryogel for around ten bucks (USD) apiece. Plenty of other vendors available - you don't have to go direct. However, I also endorse some of the other products available from Cryogel's direct site -- inflamax forte and baldrian plus, both of which I've used for more advanced pain management. All natural, which is also, to me, a preference.

training notes, April 28th - passing open guard

2009-05-23T07:19:00.000-04:00

I can't say I was at all enthused about having everyone learn open guard passes, since I love playing open guard. No, I kid: having a group of people who know how to foil my go-to guard position means I either develop a new guard game, or I improve my existing one. And that's win-win stuff right there.

Pass 1: Push away at their hips -- keep your elbows in, NOT flared out; place one knee in their tailbone (as a position, not Pride rules striking) and the other knee opens up to the side; sit back and twist your hips -- their guard should open up/fall apart.

Pass 2: Place both of your hands up into their armpits; scoot your hips back as you push them away. This clearly requires some reach, and as such, I didn't find much success with it this go-round.

Pass 3: Hands placed in their armpits; stand and wedge your knee in at their tailbone; sit back down over that same knee, sliding the opponent down your shin-- should bust apart their guard.

{After the fact, I'm wondering if maybe I would've seen a little better success with these 2 passes by instead placing my hands at belt/hip level and shoving away? If I reached up to my training partners' armpits, my balance was way off, as I was having to over-extend to reach that high. Or maybe I even could have underhooked the legs and grabbed some pants cloth?}

Pass 4: Smash pass. Control their hips. Raise one of your legs, planting the sole of your foot well beyond their reach. Raise your hips, placing one hand on their inside knee, the other hand stays on their hip. Press their leg down to the floor using the inside knee grip. Underhook their other leg. Reach across with that grip to secure a cross-collar grip on opponent. Once you've secured that cross-grip, tripod yourself up to place considerable/all weight on your opponent. Rotate (slowly, if you feel like being a bastard about it), smashing your opponent over into side control.

brief gushing over anything Stephan Kesting

2009-05-19T22:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I unabashedly adore the dvds and work of Stephan Kesting over at GrappleArts.com

So it should come as no huge surprise that as soon as I read the email about his new dvd series, Unorthodox Positions, was ready for ordering, I quickly requested that it be sent my direction, ASAP.

I've often compared bjj instructors to math teachers, in that if they don't present the material in a manner that the student can easily consume and assimilate it, well they're both probably doomed to a lot of frustration. Kesting has been one such instructor from whom I feel confident in learning the calculus of this at times difficult art.

I can be accused of having a larger library of materials than is evident by my skills, but at least it's there for whenever I'm ready for it. I own a few materials by Kesting that I've not yet been able to absorb. All in due time, though.

And whenever this new dvd reaches my doorstep, I may watch it and think, "pfft. I'll never use any of this!" I may be right at the time. But some day, it may come around again, and suddenly it may become my bread & butter go-to move.

just a short note. more to come when I can slow down a bit.

open guard intro....

2009-05-06T05:57:00.000-04:00

(to be updated)

discussed some basic concepts of open guard, a longtime favorite of mine. I was most taken with the 75/100% concept for grips (i.e.-- have no fewer than three grips at all points in time, all four being the goal).

more later

okay, and it's finally later. Expanding on the 75%/100% "rule"-- Feet need to be jammed in the opponent's bicep, hip, or hooked under the knees (note: obviously there are more options, but this is basic intro type stuff).

With bicep placement, your feet should be angling more towards the elbows, not the shoulders. Force your feet/legs wide to force the opponent to come down, and also to compromise their balance and control a little more. We did a foot placement drill, alternating which of the three areas our individual feet were in, maintaining three/four points of contact.

We maintained sleeve control for our hand positions, but there are plenty of other options there as well. One we briefly explored involved taking your foot from the bicep position, wrapping it out and around to trap their arm a little more snugly.

We also drilled the "hitching a ride" concept involved with the open guard position of having your feet hooked at the opponent's knees. Emphasized strong hook placement on the side your opponent is trying to rotate towards-- their motion will pull you along with them, provided your hook is placed solidly.

Another side control escape: before your opponent settles into side control, shrimp out and sweep your leg up and over their back, clamping down on their spine. Bring yourself parallel to opponent, then pull your other leg through to either replace full guard, or at least achieve a butterfly hook. Achieving a knee-across-hip position is also acceptable.

Replacing guard when your opponent smashes your legs down from butterfly guard:

Option 1. Push your upper leg out, swoop it over the opponent's head, clear, and replace guard.

Option 2. Kick your top leg straight through their legs, replace guard.

Option 3. Opponent hooks under your leg-- wrap/rotate your leg back out to replace guard.

And lastly, we worked on upper body/head control from the "seated" jiu jitsu stand up position, using our non-posted hand/arm to control the opponent's head and direct them, switching hips if necessary.

Friday, April 17, 2009 - open mat

2009-04-18T09:22:00.000-04:00

some decidedly sparse notes on some things I'm working on... very much preliminary at this point:

straight armlocks/overhooking the arm as a point of control/contact... wrapping up opponent's arm above the elbow from guard (open or closed), from top side control, and from a failed triangle position

I've always been a fan of wrapping up an arm just because it's an easier grip for me, and because it's especially snug in gi work. Got the option of securing it using your own/their lapel. The opponent can armlock themselves rather easily if they're not paying attention/spazzing; but more importantly, it's a quick move for me.

I normally preferred using this when in guard, opening guard and then using my insteps to take the opponent's knees/base out from under them. I liked wrapping the arm when in top side control as well, but acknowledge that this gives up a little bit of control in terms of keeping them pinned. If going for the armlock from here, it has to be fast. I don't know that it's a high percentage move, since it opens the door for them to escape when you raise up/remove the pressure to move into the armlock by stepping over, or by sitting up with the shin planted in their armpit. Some things to work on, for sure.

Very, very early butterfly guard work. Lots to do here. Butterfly hooks aren't my forte right now, but that could be simply because I haven't studied the concept much, nor practiced it. I'm chiefly pulling my information from Marcelo Garcia's X-Guard book from Victory Belt, and from Stephan Kesting's Dynamic Guard Sweeps: The Butterfly and X Guard dvd.

I won't pretend to have more lofty ambitions than to study butterfly guard in order to later move into studying x guard. I think x guard is something that I could get into, being of similar (short, stocky legs) build as Garcia, and admittedly preferring an open guard/leg strength/flexibility based approach. However, some folks in class have mentioned an interest in butterfly guard, seem to have a natural tendency to end up with one or two butterfly hooks in when trying to shrimp escape from mount, so maybe this is an option to look into for their sake.

or maybe they need to work harder on shrimp escapes towards the end goal of replacing full guard. who knows?

I can't say I'm going all deep end into this specific guard, but it is an inadequacy. May as well address it in my own pursuits and learn something about butterfly guard, even if what I learn is "wow, my butterfly guard isn't a bread and butter position for me right now"

Looked at probably twice or three times the volume of stuff I'd normally like to for a simple open mat session. Didn't drill enough, either. Really more of an academic effort than anything else, and that's fine. Incubating ideas is just as important as executing them, I suppose.

but for now, happy to just look at and apply the basics. I can see a host of bad habits to remove/not allow to solidify.

class notes 4/07/09

2009-04-08T11:54:00.000-04:00

was fortunate enough to have some brethren from our parent school come down to work with our small group last night. The theme: mount escapes.

shrimp drills are omnipresent in our warm-ups, but strangely absent from the toolbox once folks start rolling. And I am certainly not bragging, I get sat upon as much as the next person, and find it just as annoying when it's my partner's sole offensive. Jiu Sitsu, as I've come to call it.

Nothing earth-shatteringly new on this basic shrimp escape, aside from several details that have likely either not been brought to everyone's attention, or have been neglected in favor of an easier/sloppier form.

framing position with the arms/elbows-- digging the floorside elbow either against or underneath your mounted opponent's knee to create distance/relieve weight pressure; your other forearm bracing against the opponent's pelvic girdle firmly -- failing to post this arm past their centerpoint could encourage your mounted opponent to proceed to taking your back when you shrimp up to your side

The other two variations involved shrimping out to half guard, rather than replacing full guard. In the first variation, once you've shrimped up to one side, you extend your lower (i.e.-- closest to the floor) leg alongside your opponent's outer leg or hook. You then reach across with your other leg to capture their foot, drag it across your own extended leg, rolling over into half guard.

In the second variation, you instead reach under their foot with your own, hooking it before rolling over into half guard.

The importance of staying tucked in, securing your underhook, and being prepared to sweep, submit, or reset to guard from this bottom half guard position was discussed as well.

from these basics, I can see us expanding out into sweeps and subs from half guard, half guard escapes, and in the longer term, opening the door to introducing butterfly guard concepts (since sometimes as you escape mount, maybe you don't get full guard or even half guard, but you have a butterfly hook (or two) in).

Half guard is a bit of a favorite for me, personally, provided that it's used for more than just stalling, or applying the lockdown (to no accompanying progressive move), or in lieu of working on replacing full guard.

I've taken a large amount of my half guard game from Stephan Kesting's Dynamic Half Guard DVD, which I am certain I will review at some point here. In brief, though, I can't give Kesting's work enough praise. I've found all of his DVDs to be exceptional, and his web site is a boon to any grappler.

I'd encourage anyone who has somehow come across this blog before Kesting's site to do themselves the favor of checking out www.grapplearts.com

2009-04-06T12:08:00.000-04:00

An introduction of sorts...

I've no idea where this will go, but my initial intentions for this blog are the following:

Random thoughts and observations on Brazilian jiu jitsu
techniques I like, techniques that are eluding me, techniques that I keep getting caught with
product reviews for grappling/mma gear I've tried
and not getting derailed too terribly often (no promises)

As of this posting, I am a one-stripe blue belt. I am a female in my thirties. I've been studying BJJ for several years now (probably around five or more years, but with several interruptions to consistent training), and intend to do so for as long as my mind and body will let me. I've not yet competed, but I don't know that I never will.

I started at a Royce Gracie school, and that is where I was last ranked, and so I feel a bit of loyalty to that network of academies. I may not be black-out drunk on the so-called Gracie koolaid, but you can certainly smell it on my breath.

Presently, I train with a small group of mostly beginners. It's a slow rebuilding process with a new affiliation/school. "Slow and steady wins the race" my grandmother used to say. At this point, I am content and actually refreshed at the instruction we're now receiving: getting the basics down, solidly, before moving on too far ahead.

As for the review end of this blog-- I am a confessed and unabashed gear whore. I love trying out new grappling shorts, rashguards, gis... and will readily extol the virtues (or reveal the shortcomings) of whatever I've bought. So maybe whoever is reading this might either save or confidently blow their hard-earned cash...

This is my first real attempt at blogging. I certainly welcome useful comments, especially as postings pile up and I start questioning techniques. I believe open dialogue is one of the crucial means of improving in this art, and that is probably my largest wish for this blog.

oh, and disclaimer: I won't always be this formal and on task.