burnout/lost muse

while it's far from the first time I've experienced it, I'm amidst one of those horrid burned out phases.

and the timing sucks. I'm starting to go to a whole `nuther gym to train at. Plenty of new people to roll with, new things to learn, etc. and I can't seem to generate the usual compulsive level of interest for training. A new Gracie Mag showed up in my mailbox today, and all I can think is "Gee, I haven't even finished the last two issues."

Normally I tear through those the day they arrive. I leafed through mine a little while, but then sat it down.

It's still the reason I drag myself onto a hamster wheel cardio machine at the gym for boring half hours upon half hours. Why I lift heavy things and put them back down until my body whines for me to stop, and then do it a few more times. Why I subsidize several supplement companies with my purchases. Why I keep looking into new means of improvement to flexibility, recovery rates, endurance, stamina, functional strength. Why I have no room for regular clothes. Why my truck windows are littered with bjj/mma stickers until it looks like a Nascar contender. Why I no longer bruise easily (and rarely care when I do).

It breaks my heart when these phases come into my life. Sure, they've always passed, but damn, never quickly enough.

It's ridiculous. For as many nagging "why don't you just quit" thoughts, there are just a few more "you can't stop now" ones.

hmm. Tarsis Humphreys does look triumphant on that cover, though. Maybe I'll just check out a few more pages of Gracie Mag.