in a happier place

While I am still stuck on what seems to be a perpetual sentence to evening shift at work, at least the morning BJJ schedule was expanded to 3 mornings a week. This has been a godsend, not just to my practice and progress, but my whole well being.

no jiu jitsu, no life. This Wednesday, someone asked why sharks are so often chosen as gym mascots (our own being a hammerhead shark). I suggested "because they never stop moving, if they stop moving, they die." I've always had a soft spot in my heart for sharks (I still get teary eyed at the end of Jaws, and as a child, broke into an absolute fit of sobbing the first time I saw the shark get killed), as if I empathize with the notion. I'm hyper by nature. Short fused at times. I get bored way too easy. I stop moving, I start dying.

I feel the exact same way about jiu jitsu. If I can't train, it breaks my heart. Being able to do so now, three times a week, has been a real saving grace in a time chock full of stressful bullshit.

It hasn't been all smiles and happy rainbows, I'm having real serious frustration in being overpowered again and again. Having to ask "can you give me a little less resistance so I can actually try the move?" over and over. I absolutely detest that I'm weaker than the guys. I accept it more than I used to, but I still hate the humiliation of having to admit the weakness.

But that same tooling has to be making me better. And there's probably been more progress than I think. I just can't see it myself. I try not to let these frustrating phases overwhelm my profound joy and desire to keep learning, keep trying.

I got a new iPhone last week, and immediately started using an app to track my exercise and eating. I don't need a drill sergeant, I need to see figures. Connect input with results, good and bad. This week, I committed to toeing the caloric restrictions it suggested. I also added a goal of staying below 150 g of carbohydrates each day. Achieved that in the vast majority of the days, easily stayed below the caloric goals, didn't starve at all, and lost at least 3.5 pounds.

It wasn't that hard at all. I can do this. I feel better already. I'm upping my protein intake, and I think that's helping me not be sore as much. Which means I can get back to training more. Burning more goop. Unearthing more muscle. Becoming a leaner shark, that I might better keep up with the rest.