crossfit was a mofo today

yeeks. Someone must've been even more pissed off at the world than me when they designed that wod.

it. was. glorious.

And ew, I reek.

Earlier this week, Murph not-so-subtly let me know I maybe might want to make more time for running intervals again in my tiny world. This will be easier to try and do once my work schedule (again) normalizes. I sadly can't deny the immediate transfer of benefits to my mat stamina from just 15 minutes of sprint intervals. But I still hate those fuckers.

My idle curiosity of the day is why so few people genuinely enjoy the study of jiu jitsu. I should probably quantify that a little better: why so few people who I regularly train with. I'm sure somewhere(s) there are plenty of people content to study it.

Meh. Maybe I'm just a perpetual student. Maybe I have to be reflective of it as I dissect game plans, trying to still find what fits for me, and what fits for which opponents. Whatever it is, it annoys me that so few people will just freaking drill, rep it out, analyze moves to figure what is going right, and what is going wrong.

I'm also rather tired with the utter myopia of people who think helping anyone else = their future losses. I've always been of the mindset, especially during those times in my training when partners were few and far between, that when you help others, you're helping yourself by making them better training partners.

I am amidst a frustrating phase where I would like to be able to nail down the stripe three material and test for it, but the start/stop-iness of being able to work on it just annoys the piss out of my compulsive little brain. I'd probably do well to pace myself with it. It makes me worried that there's not much of what is supposedly our required curriculum that I feel much connection with, in terms of my own game. I can see the move, study it, explain how to do it, but I'm not a huge fan of a lot of it.

I don't know how much of that is a testament to my needing to just shut the hell up and rep it, or force it to be my game; how much is coming from what has to be a certain native futility to enacting a game plan that is similarly forced upon everyone else I'm training with (i.e.-- we all know the same moves, setups, and counters, so how successful will anyone be); or if I'm either truly wretched at jiu jitsu, or if this just isn't going to be my game.

I'm also hesitant to proceed with testing because I just think there is so much I still have to learn. I still don't really know how to piece together my game, since so many classes work as follows: okay, here are some moves, here are some counters, let's all rep these a bit (supposedly at a normal learning pace but fuck that noise we're gonna kill), now let's try them live (sweet now we can really kill), oh hey none of them work anymore and everyone just go back to the same 3 things you always do, especially if they've little to do with what we just learned. 

No positive reinforcement of the move ever working doesn't lend itself to me really learning it, since my brain also thinks after several repositionings and tweaks and failures "well, scrap this shit."

Or maybe all of this annoyance is a sign to back burner the curriculum and just go back to studying butterfly. Or nogi. Or both. Or just move more heavy things until I'm less weak by comparison, then we can all hulk smash. pfft.