I don't have a real specific story aside from this: I was trying to deadlift 235 a second time and something snapped in my back. That was like 3 weeks ago. Haven't done shit since then, except hunt last week. After the 1st week, I started going to the chiro again.
It still hurts a little, mostly when I've sat still too long. I'm hoping it fades soon, because I'm getting cagey to train again.
Sort of.
I still feel lost on the mats, and have felt this way for a few months now. It's immensely frustrating, especially when there's no apparent end in sight. No remedy pending. I'm hoping it's just another phase that I have to soldier through until it goes away, but I'm more of a planning type girl. Want to know where I"m going. How I'm getting there. How long it's gonna take.
And it's frustrating to love something this much and have it go through a suck phase. But there are times that I consider the entirety of my training to be a suck phase, so... I need rewiring.
Too much of my training has involved a slow concession of defeat. I enter each match with the mindset of "how long until I get caught?" instead of "how can I catch my opponent?" And that is a deep seated habit now, expecting to lose. While I'd love a quick fix to it, I know better.
Just like everything else, I'll have to bite, crawl, and scratch my way out of it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Thought: with out obstacles to overcome we never grow.
ReplyDeleteHere's a mental exercise that might help. Everytime something frustrates you give a mental "thank you." Be thankful for this opportunity to grow and be a better person. You seem to be a glass is half empty type person. I would like you to list all of the techniques that you have learned since you started. This should remind you of the growth so far and that you will continue to grow. These are some of the things I do when the defeatist bug strikes me. I hope this helps.
Ps. A really good movie to watch, if you haven't already seen it, is Gattaca (1997).
Joshkie, today is my first day back on the mats in weeks. Maybe even over a full month. I hope to take this sort of attitude improvement with me.
ReplyDeleteI've actually amassed a really alarming amount of knowledge and moves, once I take the time to think about it. I am amidst revamping my jiu jitsu from one style to another. Sometimes I Frankenstein the two, to varying success/failure.
More importantly, if I had figured out all the moves by now, I'd have long since grown bored with BJJ. I would do well to remember that this is precisely what I love about BJJ: I can't figure it out. Everything else, I quickly immerse myself in, understand, assimilate, and put on rails. Then it bores me. I should be thankful for the extended immersion phase here.
Will look into Gattica. Thanks for the recommendation.
I like the way you put that I to need to be thankful for the things that don't bore me. :-)
ReplyDeletePs. Hope your back is back to being 100% soon.