Heeeeeeaaaaaallllllllll!
Might need more shots. Wrist/thumb hurts differently, which I'm not sure qualifies as "less" nor "more"
De Quervain and his syndrome can suck it. I'm training tomorrow. Time to see where we're at with it.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
wait and see. bah.
day 2 of wait and see if my wrist heals. Waiting isn't my strong suit.
thinking I'm going to do chest and shoulders tomorrow, that should be a decent test. (I say test as though I'll base my next action on the results of said test. What'll really happen is, I'll go to the gym, lift as heavy as I can without causing damage, and resume my usual schedule Monday, the wrist will just have to heal on the fly)
What has been surprising has been how much I've stopped using my right hand in everyday functions. I'm far from ambidextrous, but I'm not missing it by much.
I'm still worried the shot won't work, and that I'll have to get another, and then surgery. The larger attached fear being it remotely affecting my ability to train.
Muffling those thoughts as much as I can. It's early. And i do feel a lot less pain. If nothing else, maybe I can actually enjoy some ps3 again. and handwriting.
thinking I'm going to do chest and shoulders tomorrow, that should be a decent test. (I say test as though I'll base my next action on the results of said test. What'll really happen is, I'll go to the gym, lift as heavy as I can without causing damage, and resume my usual schedule Monday, the wrist will just have to heal on the fly)
What has been surprising has been how much I've stopped using my right hand in everyday functions. I'm far from ambidextrous, but I'm not missing it by much.
I'm still worried the shot won't work, and that I'll have to get another, and then surgery. The larger attached fear being it remotely affecting my ability to train.
Muffling those thoughts as much as I can. It's early. And i do feel a lot less pain. If nothing else, maybe I can actually enjoy some ps3 again. and handwriting.
Friday, July 9, 2010
shots
So I was diagnosed with De Quervain's yesterday, and received a shot of lidocaine and some anti-inflammatory steroid. I was told that this is all that is required to "cure" 70% of the people who suffer from it.
However, I may need an additional shot. Or surgery. For now, it's wait and see.
Normally I wake up and my first thought is "Gawdamn! My wrist hurts!" Today it was "ow, my damn back." Pulled something yesterday and it's been all sore and spasmey. So, I'm thinking the wrist is feeling better, but I'm not sure if it's because of the shot working, or if it's currently being out-pained by my back. I think it's the former, though. It isn't even putting off the same amount of heat it normally does.
So I'm hopeful. Dr. said it should gradually heal over the next 2 weeks, and that I would know if it was working or not.
Instead of following the decidedly negative tone I had earlier this week, I got proactive and requested a private from my instructor. And scheduled one for the next morning. Worked on some variations of open guard and half guard, my go-to positions for offense for now.
Both used to be real strong points for me. Then everyone just started smashing me into side control, where I've been hanging out and defending for months... years... feh I lost count. Lots to work on and develop, for sure, and I look forward to it. I mean, just during that half hour or so, there's the groundwork for what I could easily be working on for the rest of the year and beyond.
but for today, it's forced rest. damn back. grrrrrrr
However, I may need an additional shot. Or surgery. For now, it's wait and see.
Normally I wake up and my first thought is "Gawdamn! My wrist hurts!" Today it was "ow, my damn back." Pulled something yesterday and it's been all sore and spasmey. So, I'm thinking the wrist is feeling better, but I'm not sure if it's because of the shot working, or if it's currently being out-pained by my back. I think it's the former, though. It isn't even putting off the same amount of heat it normally does.
So I'm hopeful. Dr. said it should gradually heal over the next 2 weeks, and that I would know if it was working or not.
Instead of following the decidedly negative tone I had earlier this week, I got proactive and requested a private from my instructor. And scheduled one for the next morning. Worked on some variations of open guard and half guard, my go-to positions for offense for now.
Both used to be real strong points for me. Then everyone just started smashing me into side control, where I've been hanging out and defending for months... years... feh I lost count. Lots to work on and develop, for sure, and I look forward to it. I mean, just during that half hour or so, there's the groundwork for what I could easily be working on for the rest of the year and beyond.
but for today, it's forced rest. damn back. grrrrrrr
Monday, July 5, 2010
more ramblings
more thoughts from camp--
I knew it before I even touched the mats when I got there. My jiu jitsu is horribly, horribly lopsided. I have no offense to speak of. I have long since grown accustomed to survival mode or defending to stalemates, or, more recently, getting caught midway through smash passing in a triangle or from said triangle into a nasty armbar (usually involving my already bad wrist).
This isn't uncommon, I found, as a few others mentioned the same affliction.
this is incredibly frustrating. My timing is non-existent, and I rarely see opportunities to attack. What attempts I do make are sloppy messes. Being told I have a good defense is of little consolation when the implication is: all someone has to do is quit attacking me, and I'll hand them something in the form of some half-hearted submission.
I hate being so predictable. But even since camp, I am realizing some serious ruts. Or a lack of branching out. Whichever way you want to look at it. I have gone from floundering in bottom side control to at least having the presence of mind to turn in and assume turtle, which is less miserable to be trapped in than side control, but once again: not really progress when it's just the next place I get stuck.
and I spend so much of my mat time just trapped in bottom side control. to the point it's making me bored -- a really rare sensation I feel towards bjj. Well, more frustrated than bored. But I'm also wondering do my training partners not get similarly tired of just sitting on me the whole time? I mean, myself, when I am seeing a pattern of mistake, I wheel back and figure "let's look at this and see where it's going wrong and make corrections."
no such help comes. And it's annoying as hell. Oh hey, congrats, you've got me in side control YET AGAIN. What a challenge it must have been. maybe this is just a symptom of training with people of equal rank. All jockeying for their next stripe/promotion. Why help anyone else? Or maybe this is is just what happens when your instruction is 90% king of the hill open mats.
morning class has a revolving cast of characters. Never sure which training partners will show up, which of them are cool with helping, which aren't. No real guidance. No wonder I've been stuck at same rank for years. I hate having this negative attitude about it, but I'm also done taking all of the blame for it.
and this is taking a much nastier tone than I'd like. I'm going to walk it off and get back to other tasks. I'm going to reorganize my kitchen today, dammit. TODAY. Step one: make the kitchen accessible and efficient, that I may feel more inclined to GASP cook my own meals.
Can't really go shopping yet, no room in the fridge. That will be next step.
I'm trying, honest, to make positive changes. But sometimes it's trying me.
I knew it before I even touched the mats when I got there. My jiu jitsu is horribly, horribly lopsided. I have no offense to speak of. I have long since grown accustomed to survival mode or defending to stalemates, or, more recently, getting caught midway through smash passing in a triangle or from said triangle into a nasty armbar (usually involving my already bad wrist).
This isn't uncommon, I found, as a few others mentioned the same affliction.
this is incredibly frustrating. My timing is non-existent, and I rarely see opportunities to attack. What attempts I do make are sloppy messes. Being told I have a good defense is of little consolation when the implication is: all someone has to do is quit attacking me, and I'll hand them something in the form of some half-hearted submission.
I hate being so predictable. But even since camp, I am realizing some serious ruts. Or a lack of branching out. Whichever way you want to look at it. I have gone from floundering in bottom side control to at least having the presence of mind to turn in and assume turtle, which is less miserable to be trapped in than side control, but once again: not really progress when it's just the next place I get stuck.
and I spend so much of my mat time just trapped in bottom side control. to the point it's making me bored -- a really rare sensation I feel towards bjj. Well, more frustrated than bored. But I'm also wondering do my training partners not get similarly tired of just sitting on me the whole time? I mean, myself, when I am seeing a pattern of mistake, I wheel back and figure "let's look at this and see where it's going wrong and make corrections."
no such help comes. And it's annoying as hell. Oh hey, congrats, you've got me in side control YET AGAIN. What a challenge it must have been. maybe this is just a symptom of training with people of equal rank. All jockeying for their next stripe/promotion. Why help anyone else? Or maybe this is is just what happens when your instruction is 90% king of the hill open mats.
morning class has a revolving cast of characters. Never sure which training partners will show up, which of them are cool with helping, which aren't. No real guidance. No wonder I've been stuck at same rank for years. I hate having this negative attitude about it, but I'm also done taking all of the blame for it.
and this is taking a much nastier tone than I'd like. I'm going to walk it off and get back to other tasks. I'm going to reorganize my kitchen today, dammit. TODAY. Step one: make the kitchen accessible and efficient, that I may feel more inclined to GASP cook my own meals.
Can't really go shopping yet, no room in the fridge. That will be next step.
I'm trying, honest, to make positive changes. But sometimes it's trying me.
Friday, July 2, 2010
at blogging, I = teh suck.
okay. I could seriously crash the internet gushing about the grappling camp last weekend in Richmond. And I will, it'll just take several attempts. or episodes. whichever.
also, typing for extended periods of time no longer works well with my wrist. (now that I've said that, watch me enter a novella)
my wrist that I'm going to an ortho surgeon this coming Thursday for. And hoping and praying I don't have to actually have surgery on, but acknowledging that something has to be done about this constant pain and weakness and inability to use to 100% effectiveness. I'm a little scared, sometimes a lot scared. The suspected diagnosis thus far is whatever DeQuervain's syndrome is.
they can do whatever they need to, so long as it aligns itself to long term ability to train.
I'm also going to try and restart using the PN system for regulating my apparently chaotic diet. I'm assing up the paleo diet in a major way. I hope to ultimately mesh the two. But first things first: whatever works.
so, as I alluded to, last weekend I packed up my truck and hauled out, solo as usual, to Richmond with no idea what to expect. I didn't know anyone there, wasn't entirely sure what to expect, and wasn't sure how long (or if) my wrist would let me participate. But I'd read about these camps before, and was so jealous of the experience it looked like -- how could I pass on the opportunity to train with a.) other women; b.) other women of varying belt levels; c.) some of the women whose bjj careers I have followed and admired and gained inspiration from?
what if I went and got my ass handed to me in merciless fashion? what if my wrist totally fell apart? how many weeks afterwards would I be eating top ramen? what if these people turned out to be assholes? what if I turned out to be the asshole?
feh. those insecurities were told to STFU and get in the backseat and buckle up. My bjj had stalled out, I was really frustrated with my practice, and wasn't sure what to do about it. Maybe this is what I needed to shake me out of my doldrums. Maybe this would be the ignition.
best. decision. ever.
Every person there was insanely cool, and nice, and helpful. And perhaps most important of all, JUST LIKE ME.
again - just like me. it was nice to be around people who understand how this study becomes more of a lifestyle than anything else. it's not a hobby, that's way too impersonal.
I'm skipping ahead here, quite a bit, but one of the larger points I took home with me was what's missing. In my bjj trip, in my attempts to lose weight, get stronger, and just about anything in general: lack of support. I don't really have a reliable, consistent, positive support system in place.
and at least half of the blame is mine. I isolate, refuse help, pridefully soldier on through whichever given adversity I face, getting by on being stubborn. And while there's plenty to be said for those traits when they're expressed in a positive fashion, but realistically, it's been coming more from a spiteful place.
I've come by it honest. I've had some really ugly stuff going on personally for the past few months, and it's poisoned the well. Actually, it may even go as far back as when I lost my grandparents. They were a huge support, and that void has loomed large in my world.
I didn't realize how off I've been. Grappling camp was the first time in a long time I've really felt like myself again. Not just in my bjj studies, but in general. And I'm looking to do whatever it takes to sustain that. I'm tired of restarts. Trying again. And I mean that in the sense that I know I can do all of these things, these goals I have are within reach. I just need a little support.
so I'm gonna try and not be such a wolfpack of one.
ouch. wrist says stop. more detailed gushing on chick grappling camp later.
also, typing for extended periods of time no longer works well with my wrist. (now that I've said that, watch me enter a novella)
my wrist that I'm going to an ortho surgeon this coming Thursday for. And hoping and praying I don't have to actually have surgery on, but acknowledging that something has to be done about this constant pain and weakness and inability to use to 100% effectiveness. I'm a little scared, sometimes a lot scared. The suspected diagnosis thus far is whatever DeQuervain's syndrome is.
they can do whatever they need to, so long as it aligns itself to long term ability to train.
I'm also going to try and restart using the PN system for regulating my apparently chaotic diet. I'm assing up the paleo diet in a major way. I hope to ultimately mesh the two. But first things first: whatever works.
so, as I alluded to, last weekend I packed up my truck and hauled out, solo as usual, to Richmond with no idea what to expect. I didn't know anyone there, wasn't entirely sure what to expect, and wasn't sure how long (or if) my wrist would let me participate. But I'd read about these camps before, and was so jealous of the experience it looked like -- how could I pass on the opportunity to train with a.) other women; b.) other women of varying belt levels; c.) some of the women whose bjj careers I have followed and admired and gained inspiration from?
what if I went and got my ass handed to me in merciless fashion? what if my wrist totally fell apart? how many weeks afterwards would I be eating top ramen? what if these people turned out to be assholes? what if I turned out to be the asshole?
feh. those insecurities were told to STFU and get in the backseat and buckle up. My bjj had stalled out, I was really frustrated with my practice, and wasn't sure what to do about it. Maybe this is what I needed to shake me out of my doldrums. Maybe this would be the ignition.
best. decision. ever.
Every person there was insanely cool, and nice, and helpful. And perhaps most important of all, JUST LIKE ME.
again - just like me. it was nice to be around people who understand how this study becomes more of a lifestyle than anything else. it's not a hobby, that's way too impersonal.
I'm skipping ahead here, quite a bit, but one of the larger points I took home with me was what's missing. In my bjj trip, in my attempts to lose weight, get stronger, and just about anything in general: lack of support. I don't really have a reliable, consistent, positive support system in place.
and at least half of the blame is mine. I isolate, refuse help, pridefully soldier on through whichever given adversity I face, getting by on being stubborn. And while there's plenty to be said for those traits when they're expressed in a positive fashion, but realistically, it's been coming more from a spiteful place.
I've come by it honest. I've had some really ugly stuff going on personally for the past few months, and it's poisoned the well. Actually, it may even go as far back as when I lost my grandparents. They were a huge support, and that void has loomed large in my world.
I didn't realize how off I've been. Grappling camp was the first time in a long time I've really felt like myself again. Not just in my bjj studies, but in general. And I'm looking to do whatever it takes to sustain that. I'm tired of restarts. Trying again. And I mean that in the sense that I know I can do all of these things, these goals I have are within reach. I just need a little support.
so I'm gonna try and not be such a wolfpack of one.
ouch. wrist says stop. more detailed gushing on chick grappling camp later.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
in a happier place
While I am still stuck on what seems to be a perpetual sentence to evening shift at work, at least the morning BJJ schedule was expanded to 3 mornings a week. This has been a godsend, not just to my practice and progress, but my whole well being.
no jiu jitsu, no life. This Wednesday, someone asked why sharks are so often chosen as gym mascots (our own being a hammerhead shark). I suggested "because they never stop moving, if they stop moving, they die." I've always had a soft spot in my heart for sharks (I still get teary eyed at the end of Jaws, and as a child, broke into an absolute fit of sobbing the first time I saw the shark get killed), as if I empathize with the notion. I'm hyper by nature. Short fused at times. I get bored way too easy. I stop moving, I start dying.
I feel the exact same way about jiu jitsu. If I can't train, it breaks my heart. Being able to do so now, three times a week, has been a real saving grace in a time chock full of stressful bullshit.
It hasn't been all smiles and happy rainbows, I'm having real serious frustration in being overpowered again and again. Having to ask "can you give me a little less resistance so I can actually try the move?" over and over. I absolutely detest that I'm weaker than the guys. I accept it more than I used to, but I still hate the humiliation of having to admit the weakness.
But that same tooling has to be making me better. And there's probably been more progress than I think. I just can't see it myself. I try not to let these frustrating phases overwhelm my profound joy and desire to keep learning, keep trying.
I got a new iPhone last week, and immediately started using an app to track my exercise and eating. I don't need a drill sergeant, I need to see figures. Connect input with results, good and bad. This week, I committed to toeing the caloric restrictions it suggested. I also added a goal of staying below 150 g of carbohydrates each day. Achieved that in the vast majority of the days, easily stayed below the caloric goals, didn't starve at all, and lost at least 3.5 pounds.
It wasn't that hard at all. I can do this. I feel better already. I'm upping my protein intake, and I think that's helping me not be sore as much. Which means I can get back to training more. Burning more goop. Unearthing more muscle. Becoming a leaner shark, that I might better keep up with the rest.
no jiu jitsu, no life. This Wednesday, someone asked why sharks are so often chosen as gym mascots (our own being a hammerhead shark). I suggested "because they never stop moving, if they stop moving, they die." I've always had a soft spot in my heart for sharks (I still get teary eyed at the end of Jaws, and as a child, broke into an absolute fit of sobbing the first time I saw the shark get killed), as if I empathize with the notion. I'm hyper by nature. Short fused at times. I get bored way too easy. I stop moving, I start dying.
I feel the exact same way about jiu jitsu. If I can't train, it breaks my heart. Being able to do so now, three times a week, has been a real saving grace in a time chock full of stressful bullshit.
It hasn't been all smiles and happy rainbows, I'm having real serious frustration in being overpowered again and again. Having to ask "can you give me a little less resistance so I can actually try the move?" over and over. I absolutely detest that I'm weaker than the guys. I accept it more than I used to, but I still hate the humiliation of having to admit the weakness.
But that same tooling has to be making me better. And there's probably been more progress than I think. I just can't see it myself. I try not to let these frustrating phases overwhelm my profound joy and desire to keep learning, keep trying.
I got a new iPhone last week, and immediately started using an app to track my exercise and eating. I don't need a drill sergeant, I need to see figures. Connect input with results, good and bad. This week, I committed to toeing the caloric restrictions it suggested. I also added a goal of staying below 150 g of carbohydrates each day. Achieved that in the vast majority of the days, easily stayed below the caloric goals, didn't starve at all, and lost at least 3.5 pounds.
It wasn't that hard at all. I can do this. I feel better already. I'm upping my protein intake, and I think that's helping me not be sore as much. Which means I can get back to training more. Burning more goop. Unearthing more muscle. Becoming a leaner shark, that I might better keep up with the rest.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
getting back in the saddle
This week I have what is most likely my final chiro visit re: my wrist issue. It isn't 100%, but it's far better than what it was. I think if I keep icing it daily, doing the stretching, and just being careful in general, I'll be fine.
More importantly, morning bjj classes have expanded-- I can go three mornings a week now, which is probably the best news I've had in weeks. I miss the evening class crew, but with no job, I can afford no jiu jitsu, so there ya go.
Sadly, I've found that my mat stamina is shot all to hell. All the airdyning, elliptical training, biking, etc. has amounted to approximately jack squat when it comes to not being a weak kitten on the mats. At least my mind stayed sharp -- moves, counters, strategies played in my head while I rolled briefly last Wednesday, neurons dutifully shot off ideas to my muscles.
And the muscles said "yeah, go f()*& yourself. We're tired"
Fine, for now, I'm only good for maybe 10 minutes. Hopefully by the end of this week, it'll be 12. Next week, 15. Onward. It's been torturous, not training bjj. I've missed it so much that I'm elated to even come dragging home from a class where I've summarily had my ass kicked the whole time.
I've lost most of my weekend to watching the PanAms. I'm pouring through old GracieMags. I'm loading my ipod with more instructionals than I can ever hope to watch. Yep, addiction is back in full bloom.
More importantly, morning bjj classes have expanded-- I can go three mornings a week now, which is probably the best news I've had in weeks. I miss the evening class crew, but with no job, I can afford no jiu jitsu, so there ya go.
Sadly, I've found that my mat stamina is shot all to hell. All the airdyning, elliptical training, biking, etc. has amounted to approximately jack squat when it comes to not being a weak kitten on the mats. At least my mind stayed sharp -- moves, counters, strategies played in my head while I rolled briefly last Wednesday, neurons dutifully shot off ideas to my muscles.
And the muscles said "yeah, go f()*& yourself. We're tired"
Fine, for now, I'm only good for maybe 10 minutes. Hopefully by the end of this week, it'll be 12. Next week, 15. Onward. It's been torturous, not training bjj. I've missed it so much that I'm elated to even come dragging home from a class where I've summarily had my ass kicked the whole time.
I've lost most of my weekend to watching the PanAms. I'm pouring through old GracieMags. I'm loading my ipod with more instructionals than I can ever hope to watch. Yep, addiction is back in full bloom.
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