Monday, November 29, 2010

hopefully exiting injured phase

I don't have a real specific story aside from this: I was trying to deadlift 235 a second time and something snapped in my back. That was like 3 weeks ago. Haven't done shit since then, except hunt last week. After the 1st week, I started going to the chiro again.

It still hurts a little, mostly when I've sat still too long. I'm hoping it fades soon, because I'm getting cagey to train again.

Sort of.

I still feel lost on the mats, and have felt this way for a few months now. It's immensely frustrating, especially when there's no apparent end in sight. No remedy pending. I'm hoping it's just another phase that I have to soldier through until it goes away, but I'm more of a planning type girl. Want to know where I"m going. How I'm getting there. How long it's gonna take.

And it's frustrating to love something this much and have it go through a suck phase. But there are times that I consider the entirety of my training to be a suck phase, so... I need rewiring.

Too much of my training has involved a slow concession of defeat. I enter each match with the mindset of "how long until I get caught?" instead of "how can I catch my opponent?" And that is a deep seated habit now, expecting to lose. While I'd love a quick fix to it, I know better.

Just like everything else, I'll have to bite, crawl, and scratch my way out of it.