still struggling with scheduling

I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong, like health-wise. I can't seem to get in more than 2 occurrences per week of any of the following: crossfit, bjj, wrestling. Crossfit in particular is leaving me sore for 4-5 days. As in, I'll go on say a Tuesday, but be so damned sore that bjj on wednesday is out, so sore that going back to crossfit the rest of the week is out, and I'm still feeling the effects once I finally pony back up on saturday.

I'm all for DOMS. I rather like feeling a little soreness from work. But this is a bit much. I am not accustomed to soreness lasting this long. It's not like I just started crossfit. Granted, I've been missing quite a bit due to work schedule, but dang, really?!

Something has to change somewhere. I can't be so sore that I can't make jiu jitsu. I don't know if that's scaling down weight or reps or what but this is ridiculous.

And entirely enraging. It also smacks of that nagging "you're getting old" voice I hear more and more. And all the people I know who are 40+ who doomcast "oh, wait until you hit 40, it's terrible"

well, bullshit on all that. I have no time for terrible, nor for being sore 4-5 days at a time. I have another competition coming up in December, and I'll be damned if I go in to it as underprepared as I did last time.

Maybe I just take shitty care of myself, I don't know. My asthma decided to make a random appearance as well - greaties. Random afflictions wheeee! Annoyance.

On a more positive note, I received a new set from Stephan Kesting this week, his 2nd series on studies for defeating bigger, stronger opponents. If it's anywhere near as good as the 1st in that series, I'll be a very, very happy Tim. Folks are testing for stripes and belts at the gym this weekend (I am not among them), so it'll be interesting to see if this means less or more ego on the mats. I'm hoping for the former.

Yesterday's wrestling "private" was more of a "public", but it was cool to try and use the stuff I've been drilling. My timing is still questionable, but that's to be expected. I tire quickly, but that's been an ongoing theme. I'm doing a better job of not overthinking things and just doing the moves. I felt a little scumbaggish for doing only wrestling yesterday, but oh well.

But this lagging immune system thing... ugh. Maybe I shouldn't have given up milk?

not really shocking results.

Won my first gi match by kimura, lost the 2nd match on points. Lost both gi matches to choke.

Sure, it stings a bit. Were I younger I might be more emotional and buttsore about it, but I'm really not. Younger. Or buttsore. I went into that knowing it wasn't ideal. Knowing that I had holes. Knowing that I was not prepared in the least. But I'd avoided competing long enough. I wasn't sure if I'd ever feel "ready" to compete. I also wasn't sure I'd ever muster the balls to try it again. So I charged headlong into it, wisdom be damned.

And I'm still fine with that decision. I'm still fine with having lost. Too many good things come from it. Too many things to learn from it.

Things that I knew good and damned well needed work:

• nogi, in general. I live in my gi way too much. Taking up wrestling privates will eventually help here, and I already saw a lot of that transfer over to my nogi. It'll come around in time. 
• grip fighting - the dvds and books I've been reading the most regarding bjj and grappling have HEAVILY stressed the importance of grip fighting, and holy shit, were they all ever RIGHT. I have got to stop conceding grips to people. Maybe I can do that in practice, but in a competitive scenario, grips are so ridiculously key that I do feel like a friggin moron for ignoring them. 
• Overall conditioning. Damned desk job and shift changes are killing me slowly with weight gain. Have to get back on my quasi paleo wagon and force the issue with regular exercise outside of grappling. I am not getting any younger, and locally we will likely never have a women's master's division.
• scrambling - my style has been slow and deliberate for some time. Either I'm going to have to become way more effective at that style, or I'm going to have to speed it up. I'm figuring the latter will likely be the route I end up ultimately taking. Strength is all fine and well, but it was rarely working for me at the tourney - and that makes me happy. 
• nerves/attitude - the intensity of the whole roll was taxing. I clearly need to be around ramped up training more often before I compete again. That's a pinch, since I don't mean everybody PRIDE RULES!!! training, but I need pushed more than I've been pushing. I need to get over a little of my apprehension towards heavy training - a string of injuries has created a fear response that is holding me back. There has to be a happy medium between intensity and injury prevention. I need to be a little braver in finding it. I also need to figure out what coaching style works for me. I already figured out that having someone right in my face yelling shit like they'd shotgunned three red bulls isn't remotely what I need. Holy ADD short circuit brain.

Things that surprised me:

• those ladies were way more aggressive and nasty than anyone I've rolled with in a long, long time. I still struggle with being "mean" on the mats. I blame a lot of that on early formative years of being forced to work with the "new girl" of the week back when I started - gently coddling them and bringing them along into jiu jitsu (at the expense of my own training), where they'd usually stay a few weeks, or until they broke up with whichever guy dragged them to the gym. 
• I spent zero time in half guard. WTFF. I live in half guard. I forward my mail to half guard. That blew my mind.
• What little wrestling I've been exposed to is sticking. I had just been introduced to granby rolls a few days before the competition, but damned if I wasn't rolling all over. I also hit a nice double leg right out the gates (and damn was it sweet - you were right, Ms. Linzy) that unfortunately made everyone extremely wary of my takedowns the rest of the day. Pout. 

 So the overall experience was good. I don't despise competing. I'll probably do it again, but I for damned sure won't do it again so ill-prepared. That's just foolish. Especially now that I have some semblance of an idea of what to expect.

I have things to work on now, with a renewed sense of how and why. For now, my work schedule is going to allow me to work on them. I'm extremely grateful for that. That said, it's time to pack my grappling gear up and head to work.

first competition day. commence freak out.

I have not trained regularly in months. My hands have not healed from the worst outbreak of eczema I've ever had. I have not done much of anything along the lines of prep work.

so yeah, let's go ahead and enter our first competition. sounds like a plan!

I really don't mean for it to sound as negative as it probably reads. Honest, I don't. I do, however, mean to admonish/praise myself for stepping away from my usual habit of insisting I have all hatches battened down before sticking a toe in the waters of something new.

It's okay. This is the last competition I will ever enter so ill-prepared. I know this because it may also be the last competition I enter period. Or, I may love competing and become a weekend road warrior for it. Either way, I'll never go into it so lackadaisically. And I am relatively cool with that.

I've already won. I've already lost. It's already over.

I've already gotten over the fear of even entering. Later this morning I'll get over the fear of competing. Later I'll get over the fear of letting teammates and coaches down.

Later it won't matter. And that will be a welcome feeling, to shed all of those things.

I already have four different move paths I want to work on, and that's without having faced a single soul on the mats. Things are clicking that never clicked before.

If I'm lucky, today I'll identify more. More strengths, more weaknesses. More moves I've never considered. Make more contacts for gyms to travel and visit.

Today I'll find out how well those Defense Soap wipes work, haha.

Either way. I'll find out.