more than a little bummed.

So upon waking and checking my various social media feeds, I come across word that a training partner received his blue belt last night. I remember when he first started, and spent a lot of his "early years" in morning classes with him.

Needless to say, I'm so very proud of him and for him, since he's been so consistent and progressed into a really mature bjj player. He's one of the people I always try and grab whenever I am around for open mats or whatnot because while he's a strong beast, he doesn't use it to lord over me. He's fun to work with - finds that elusive mix of appropriate challenge and resistance. I appreciate that to no end.

While I am always acutely aware that my present work schedule has caused various limitations and greatly impacted my overall involvement, it's things like this that really drive that point home and make me upset. I had to hear about this after the fact. Had I the option, I'd have preferred to have been present for it. I feel like one of those parents who are too busy for their kids.

I mean, I'm doing the best I can. And things are going well with my morning studies - maybe better than what I originally expected. It's just a little distraction from the path, but still. I'm kinda mournful about what I'm missing.

I don't know if it's complacence or just a healthy way of looking at it, but lately I'm more interested in the sort of studying I've been doing - taking my sweet time to rep out moves, ponder the why's and why not's of a move, let the recognition just come along on its own. I've spent the past three or so weeks studying chokes - a long-time void. And it's coming along nicely. Chokes aren't making me pissed off the way they used to. Taking away the pressure of "learn this move real fast right now in like two reps now roll live and land it" seems to agree with me.

tiny victory.

open mat yesterday. And there's a local tournament coming up. I normally avoid such open mats because people seem to be wanting to go a little harder than normal, and being that I'm not competing... I don't see the sense in being in such proximity to injuryland.

I had a lot of frustrations with how the day went. I didn't get to train at all with my instructor, again, because the competing members were allotted the priority. That really bummed me out, being that my work schedule keeps me from getting any time with the instructor as is. But it's not new. And while it smacks of sibling rivalry, it is what it is - dad doesn't like me best.

And it's just going to have to suck like that. I can only presume that I'm someone that not everyone wants to train with. It's cool, there's a few I actively avoid too, but that's generally because I get hurt every single time I interact with them. I have enough setbacks as is with my work schedule interrupting what training I get. I'm certainly not in a place where I can risk further down time due to injury. 

Which, you know, whatever. I try and make do with what resources I have - a wealth of instructionals and occasional access to a very few teammates who will watch and drill with me. It's all I get right now - 1-3 mornings of an hour or so drilling sometimes just one move, sometimes a few.

I have pursued this as I have noted that just doing a move a few rushed times in a class doesn't set it for me. I'm assuming that I need more reps. More successful reps. I need to see the move work. How it works. How it fails. I've had enough years of well, let's get maybe a rep or two in, then live roll and it fails so fuck that move, it sucks/doesn't work.

So I'm also fighting the uphill battle of reversing years of negative perceptions on moves I'm relearning and retooling. And that, believe me, is a bitch.

I've been working a ton on part of Andre Galvao's first disc on his Favorite Moves series (I think that's the name? Too lazy to go look), which focuses on the lotus flower sweep and the rolling kimura. I actually managed to effectively execute the transition from the kimura to the bellydown armbar yesterday - WITHOUT REALLY THINKING AT ALL ABOUT DOING IT.

This is huge. And I'm hoping it's also evidence that I'm on the right path. I was pulling my opponent up into the first position and spinning around to sit on his head, gathering the arm, sliding my arms through into the kimura position - all of this was accomplished before my brain even actively said "Oh hey - go for that kimura move you've been working on"

If I can just keep making things flow like that. Man, it'll be sweet.

still making lemonade

It's rare that I have time to blog lately. Nutshell version: lots of health problems in my family, and most of my spare time has been spent going to various hospitals and inpatient care centers. I am hopeful and mostly sure things will eventually be okay, but it's been rough. 

At least I have a decent habit going for getting lots of drilling done a few mornings a week. It's been really nice to be able to take my sweet time analyzing a move, repeating it a lot (but probably still not as much as I need to or should), and then marinating in it and figuring out what the next move may be (or may not be) creatively, rather than being spoon fed some variant. Letting me decide what I'd naturally do next. 

I'd like to think that would be a better way to learn and develop my game. I hope so, as it's all I have available to me presently. 

But let's focus on what I have, not what I lack. I've been working on a dvd series from Andre Galvao involving the flower sweep (which has never been a go-to sweep for me in its previous incarnations) and what he called the rolling kimura series. I'm liking both a lot. 

I still struggle with what I call the "loading phase" of the flower sweep, but it's coming around. This particular version doesn't rely on generating the momentum by making huge circles with your free leg, which always seemed both ineffective for me, as well as being a big honking telegraph as to what you intended to do. Of course, when you're only waving a short, stocky leg around, there's only so much momentum that is being generated, I suppose. 

I'm still playing around with just precisely how much of the opponent's weight I'm supposed to hoist onto myself, and at what angle. (Recent findings are "not this much" and "not this angle")

The rolling kimura is a bit of a revisit for me - I used to love this sort of thing early in my study. I'm trying to remain mindful of not doing it "the old way" and losing critical tiny details. I also am trying to remain open-minded with all of the options from the core position, even though I'm struggling with a few of them - namely the chokes. Damned T Rex arms... 

It's okay. It'll come around. I just have to keep working the angles. Fortunately for me, at least I have a few folks who are willing to work with me on that. It's a welcome change to the rather annoying trend of selfishness that I've been noticing when training in a larger class. I don't miss that part of regular class. 

That also feeds into the relentless whining for rank that I'm equally disenchanted with, especially when I manage to get tangled up in it. When I am drilling, learning, and working on jiu jitsu, I could give a shit about my rank. I'd do well to preserve that mindset, rather than lowering myself to the childish concerns of rank. I don't dream at night of stripes, I dream of progressions. 

However, that said... I think I'm henceforth distancing myself from overextending myself to those who don't return the favor. I'm getting more selfish as well, in this respect. People taking extensive advantage of my generosity has been enough of a distraction and disappointment. I can't convince people to act more honorably, but I can control my exposure to it. 

go figure

hurt my hand doing jiu jitsu, but doing light jiu jitsu seems to be making it better.

ha.

works for me.

continuing to work on the vast scope of the last seminar's material. having to put a little bit of blinders on, as I'm finding that I'm mixing up my x-guard and deep half entries and options. Trying to process too many, mentally, at once. Really wish I had some means of improving my learning and retention, but I'm going to assume for now that, much like anything else, it's just going to require more reps. Reps until I'm bored to tears with it.

I've continued using my grippers and the counter-exercise - basically a series of thicker rubber bands used for resistance as I open my hands. Day by day, My thumb gets a little better - more range of motion, less aches and pains. It's still a bit swollen, but it'll break free over time. 

I still haven't made it back to crossfit, but it's on the list of "to-do" things. In the meantime, I've been swinging my kettlebell around the apartment some. Actually went and picked up a new one yesterday since my old ones were pitifully light. Ha, I remember when that 18 lb. one was my "stout" one. Now it's the equivalent of the pink dumbbells.

Last week was a mess with trying to keep up with family medical issues and work and dodging the flu, so hopefully this week coming up will be more productive. I'm starting to reconsider taking the later shift of 1-9 since there's little difference b/t it and 12-8 in terms of suckage. I have yet to find the inclination to go to Nautilus after work at 8:00 - hard enough to get to sleep as is. I don't know though. Hate to saddle myself up to that and get stuck.

Today, aiming for a long chilly walk and then trying a new kettlebell series. Then it's off to Huntington and back.

that doesn't look good.

got my thumb bent backwards yesterday. Iced it, immobilized it... this morning it's swollen and not so much fun to move about. I don't want to fool with it, but I guess I'll go to doc-in-a-box to check on it. Although I have a feeling it'll be "well, just ice it and immobilize it" and a copay.

dammit.

edit, later on, back at the ranch...

Well I sat at the doc in a box for like an hour, probably caught three colds, and (wait for it, wait for it) bailed before I was ever so much as called in to take my blood pressure and other stats. Weaksauce. I sat in the waiting room and after texting back and forth with my instructor, concluded that I was wasting my time and money.

so I left.

And here we are a few days removed. Still a bit swollen. Still stiff and un-fun to move, but less so on all of those factors.

I'll behave myself a few more days, but hope to get some training in this weekend, if only at a reduced capacity. Probably just as well to try and use this week adapting to my new schedule. And making things work there re: sleeping, eating, and the like.

I've already determined that working out after work is not ideal. I get too keyed up and don't sleep for shit. And that's fine. I may switch to 1-9 instead if that's the case. I don't mind working out in the mornings. Just have to get used to it. Been running sprint intervals on my treadmill, which isn't bad. I'm rather surprised that it isn't harder than it is. But I'll find ways to make that suck in due time.

I am bummed about the timing of this injury. I really wanted to return to crossfit this week. Just not smart with a bum paw. Maybe next week. Might ask in advance if it's advisable/scalable or not. 

and once again, work schedule by armbar.

Son of a bitch.

So I'm finishing up chiro on my shoulder, which had okayish results (meaning I'm still a bit apprehensive about it)... Been back to lifting at the regular gym (which I still am not loving, but it'll come back around)... Summoning the balls to go back to crossfit as well. And I should be able to return to jiu jitsu in the coming days

WRONGOLA.

Getting kicked back to night shift again. I am enraged and sad.

I still have no idea what's gonna happen. While I've sent out multiple pleas for options to train, I've not really heard back from anyone with any sort of solid, reliable response. I could take 1-9pm shift and maybe get in an hour or so of morning class, but that would make it unlikely that I could swim or lift after work. 12-8pm at least gives me the flexibility to do those activities, but would knock morning class out of contention. That would leave me at the mercy of when/if I could get folks to come in earlier in the morning and on weekends.

Not really ideal solutions.

I'm also strongly considering switching departments at work. That would mean losing my weekends. I'd have to work saturday and/or sunday. Doing that, I'd lose one or both of the more flexible days, with regards to open mat training days. It'd also mean a different set of criteria to deal with in actual job performance.

Le sigh. I don't like any of these options.

But all of them are temporary. At least there's that.

another motivator

As I continue my path towards getting smaller, I've found a really cool motivator: eventually, some of my gis are going to be too big for me. I've decided to allow an old friend to inherit them as that happens. 

I'm not talking junk gis, these are nice Shoyorolls and likely an Origin, too.

But giving them to an old friend who has been so instrumental in my early development in bjj, who first exposed me to open guards, and who often serves as a listening board for my various grappling gripes, is a nice external motivator. 

Still making small changes to diet and habits there, too early for much results, but on the right path. Feeling better, sleeping better, and much more like myself (read: mischievous and giggling).

I'm on the "descending" path of treatment with chiro for my shoulder, so I'm hoping I'll be able to return to normal activities soon. I'm hoping to get some mat time in this weekend if it will cooperate. 

If not, well I'll just settle for some pool time and maybe a little barbell work. 

Oh, who am I kidding? I won't settle. 

I'm also acutely annoyed that I failed to acquire a GUMA membership from today's limited drive today from shoyoroll. But I'm also done with stressing over their releases, in general. If I get a gi, fine. If I miss out on their insane presales, so be it. It isn't worth the annoyance, and today's exercise only reminded me of it. I mean, really? Sold out in 3 minutes? Extra Virgin Pure Horseshit. 

(That said, I would probably justify knocking someone over the head with a tire iron to gank a Ring model gi in my size, or even in a nearby size)

And while I have NOT been enthused that I had to shell out maxibucks for a new tv this week (the not-really-old-but-out-of-warranty one died), I AM excited to watch the 2012 Pans on it this weekend. And that new arm triangle set. And if Emily's new nogi set shows up in the mail, that too. You know, with all of my raging free time.

Damn straight I just tracked that shipment again.