Well, once again my work schedule has changed back to evenings, such that there's no way I can make evening classes. The present morning class schedule is such that I'll be lucky to get in an hour of work. This makes me supremely angry and sad.
I'm trying to trade shifts when I can to give myself whatever mat time I can get, but it's a far cry from ideal. Hopefully it'll be enough, and I can try to bridge the gaps on the weekends. It's like jiu jitsu has a restraining order on my ass or something...
Tonight, I was lucky enough to get a really early (note: I do a craptastic job of shifting from the latest shift to the earliest shift in the span of a day) and went in. I did nogi, as I keep hoping that I'll get better at it. That didn't so much happen this evening. And it easily could've been as much from missing for a couple of weeks (work and massive, lengthy power outages lately) as anything else, but I really just felt so ignorant and ineffective.
And everything freaking hurt. My skin is just hurting - what the hell is that? Transitions, moves, shifts, everything just hurt.
And the whining was plentiful. I was just a bitchy princess from hell tonight, which normally (I hope) isn't like me at all. I just felt so disconnected from it all. From my normal persona on the mats I guess... But I think it's where I'm freaking out - separation anxiety from bjj.
Hopefully my mind will sharpen, and my nerve endings will dull and I can just get back to making some progress. Maybe I did this evening, but just can't see it from here.