more than a little bummed.

So upon waking and checking my various social media feeds, I come across word that a training partner received his blue belt last night. I remember when he first started, and spent a lot of his "early years" in morning classes with him.

Needless to say, I'm so very proud of him and for him, since he's been so consistent and progressed into a really mature bjj player. He's one of the people I always try and grab whenever I am around for open mats or whatnot because while he's a strong beast, he doesn't use it to lord over me. He's fun to work with - finds that elusive mix of appropriate challenge and resistance. I appreciate that to no end.

While I am always acutely aware that my present work schedule has caused various limitations and greatly impacted my overall involvement, it's things like this that really drive that point home and make me upset. I had to hear about this after the fact. Had I the option, I'd have preferred to have been present for it. I feel like one of those parents who are too busy for their kids.

I mean, I'm doing the best I can. And things are going well with my morning studies - maybe better than what I originally expected. It's just a little distraction from the path, but still. I'm kinda mournful about what I'm missing.

I don't know if it's complacence or just a healthy way of looking at it, but lately I'm more interested in the sort of studying I've been doing - taking my sweet time to rep out moves, ponder the why's and why not's of a move, let the recognition just come along on its own. I've spent the past three or so weeks studying chokes - a long-time void. And it's coming along nicely. Chokes aren't making me pissed off the way they used to. Taking away the pressure of "learn this move real fast right now in like two reps now roll live and land it" seems to agree with me.