time management

Yesterday was a test run for early morning bjj. I was initially a little brought down and skeptical, as it allowed for not quite a full hour of study. What the hell can you accomplish in that short amount of time? 

Answer: a metric shit ton, if you just focus. 

I brought in a dvd player with intentions of plowing through an assortment of butterfly guard moves, instead my partner and I studied just one. One move. And could've easily spent another hour on JUST THAT ONE. 

I'm starting to be more cognizant of what sort of learner/thinker I am. While the professional (ha) world forces me to be otherwise, at my core, I'm still a creative. And I still get the most out of immersing myself completely in something that I'm studying. Typical class structure isn't allowing me to do this as readily. It's the old "okay, here's a move, you and your partner do it like 10 times each, then we'll do another" - and I am jealous of people who can thrive in that structure, but I'm not really one of them. I leave always feeling like I"m missing details, just scratching the surface of it all, and that annoys me. 

But I also liked the complete lack of rush or pressure. Instead of being visually fed the "next move" or forcing a move progression upon myself, both my partner and I freely wandered through various progressions. And allowing for that sort of creativity was nice. It brought the playfulness back into jiu jitsu - there was no wrong or right, just options. Free flowing options, and then analyzing each, seeing where it may or may not be a great idea, what it would do points-wise, and an exchange of ideologies - we both came up with very different maps from just a simple butterfly sweep. 

It was also nice to just drill the hell out of it, each rep coming up with another little improvement or enlightening moment. Cementing the critical parts. Seeing it all come together and solidify more, but at my own pace rather than feeling the need to rush through it half-assed so as not to hold up my partner, or the class, or the instructor. (And there's probably some self-introspection to follow up with therein - is this rushing self-imposed or real?)

And I didn't have to split my attention with anything else. I know that I was not born with the greatest attention span, and maybe that is playing into my slow group learning. I don't know. I'll keep this method of study up for as long as I can. 

It was a large relief to have some oasis of jiu jitsu amidst my work week. The prospect of only having open mat weekends to learn from was daunting. Hopefully more options of this ilk will arise. In the meantime, I'm celebrating some breakthroughs in butterfly, and looking forward to more of the same.

thankfully, some hope for mat time

while yesterday I certainly was present for a lot of mat time, I can't say that I felt very accomplished. I spent probably 2 hours trying to teach basics to a new girl, while also trying to reassure her that while yes, there is a ton of suck to deal with in jiu jitsu, it is worth the struggle.

Makes me think maybe I'm just lousy at teaching, if she's already this frustrated with it. But I fell as though not addressing the more upsetting things would be wrong of me. I'd probably do well to find a way to divert focus back to the really cool things about bjj.

Also spent some time later with a habitual monopolizer. Bless his heart, I don't mean it as mean as it sounds, but the kid just does a masterful job of diverting everyone's attention and effort into what he wants and needs. I should probably take notes on how the hell he does it. But he was asking about open guard issues, which I'm always happy to discuss. It used to be my happy place - I'd like to think it still is, but I get to spend so little time there anymore. No one seems to want to play open guard much.

A cool aha moment: same fellow mentioned having a lot of trouble with another regular training partner who starts everything with a cross collar grip that he just does NOT release ever. I suggested a simple counter that was based off a Gracie self defense move that easily nullified and forced the grip to release. I was kinda stoked that I remembered it so easily, and also to see an application of the art as it was originally intended.

I was able to at least negotiate some morning training options, which made me sleep better than I've slept in ages. The new work schedule conflict really has weighed on me - this, if it works out, will be a much needed relief.

So I'm loading up my ipad with more materials on butterfly, which I WILL figure out. It's just a matter of time. But first, time to go scrounge up some breakfast!

I suck out loud at nogi these days

Well, once again my work schedule has changed back to evenings, such that there's no way I can make evening classes. The present morning class schedule is such that I'll be lucky to get in an hour of work. This makes me supremely angry and sad.

I'm trying to trade shifts when I can to give myself whatever mat time I can get, but it's a far cry from ideal. Hopefully it'll be enough, and I can try to bridge the gaps on the weekends. It's like jiu jitsu has a restraining order on my ass or something...

Tonight, I was lucky enough to get a really early (note: I do a craptastic job of shifting from the latest shift to the earliest shift in the span of a day) and went in. I did nogi, as I keep hoping that I'll get better at it. That didn't so much happen this evening. And it easily could've been as much from missing for a couple of weeks (work and massive, lengthy power outages lately) as anything else, but I really just felt so ignorant and ineffective.

And everything freaking hurt. My skin is just hurting - what the hell is that? Transitions, moves, shifts, everything just hurt.

And the whining was plentiful. I was just a bitchy princess from hell tonight, which normally (I hope) isn't like me at all. I just felt so disconnected from it all. From my normal persona on the mats I guess... But I think it's where I'm freaking out - separation anxiety from bjj.

Hopefully my mind will sharpen, and my nerve endings will dull and I can just get back to making some progress. Maybe I did this evening, but just can't see it from here.

Onward.

Sunday I received my 3rd stripe. I am equal parts validated and intimidated.

I have studied. I am making improvements. I am embracing weak spots head on. I have put in the time.

But I also feel as though I don't yet represent the skill level I have associated in my mind with it. The potential is most certainly there, but I still feel as though I'm missing things. Aggression. Timing. Decisive choices while rolling.

Breaking out of the habits of simply defending non-stop is tricky. I still revert back to it. The habit has roots like a molar, though. It'll take time to rattle loose from it.

As I focus on certain positions, I still feel the tug of other positions. Distractions. Almost a sense of jealousy when I watch other grapplers working on something new. Or even something old.

Amidst certain angers towards less cooperative training partners I still seek out others to offer to work on their skills. Because in spite of more selfish training partners who are only there to "keep score", I still firmly believe one should work on the development and betterment of their training partners as much as their own. Pay it forward, in the sense that I'm investing time in others to make them better foils for my own progress.

If only all were of similar mind. 

crossfit was a mofo today

yeeks. Someone must've been even more pissed off at the world than me when they designed that wod.

it. was. glorious.

And ew, I reek.

Earlier this week, Murph not-so-subtly let me know I maybe might want to make more time for running intervals again in my tiny world. This will be easier to try and do once my work schedule (again) normalizes. I sadly can't deny the immediate transfer of benefits to my mat stamina from just 15 minutes of sprint intervals. But I still hate those fuckers.

My idle curiosity of the day is why so few people genuinely enjoy the study of jiu jitsu. I should probably quantify that a little better: why so few people who I regularly train with. I'm sure somewhere(s) there are plenty of people content to study it.

Meh. Maybe I'm just a perpetual student. Maybe I have to be reflective of it as I dissect game plans, trying to still find what fits for me, and what fits for which opponents. Whatever it is, it annoys me that so few people will just freaking drill, rep it out, analyze moves to figure what is going right, and what is going wrong.

I'm also rather tired with the utter myopia of people who think helping anyone else = their future losses. I've always been of the mindset, especially during those times in my training when partners were few and far between, that when you help others, you're helping yourself by making them better training partners.

I am amidst a frustrating phase where I would like to be able to nail down the stripe three material and test for it, but the start/stop-iness of being able to work on it just annoys the piss out of my compulsive little brain. I'd probably do well to pace myself with it. It makes me worried that there's not much of what is supposedly our required curriculum that I feel much connection with, in terms of my own game. I can see the move, study it, explain how to do it, but I'm not a huge fan of a lot of it.

I don't know how much of that is a testament to my needing to just shut the hell up and rep it, or force it to be my game; how much is coming from what has to be a certain native futility to enacting a game plan that is similarly forced upon everyone else I'm training with (i.e.-- we all know the same moves, setups, and counters, so how successful will anyone be); or if I'm either truly wretched at jiu jitsu, or if this just isn't going to be my game.

I'm also hesitant to proceed with testing because I just think there is so much I still have to learn. I still don't really know how to piece together my game, since so many classes work as follows: okay, here are some moves, here are some counters, let's all rep these a bit (supposedly at a normal learning pace but fuck that noise we're gonna kill), now let's try them live (sweet now we can really kill), oh hey none of them work anymore and everyone just go back to the same 3 things you always do, especially if they've little to do with what we just learned. 

No positive reinforcement of the move ever working doesn't lend itself to me really learning it, since my brain also thinks after several repositionings and tweaks and failures "well, scrap this shit."

Or maybe all of this annoyance is a sign to back burner the curriculum and just go back to studying butterfly. Or nogi. Or both. Or just move more heavy things until I'm less weak by comparison, then we can all hulk smash. pfft.

just putting in the work

got about a third of the way through my curriculum for 3rd stripe. It's been a year, so I figured I might, you know, get back on the pony about testing again... pfft.

I'm really thankful to have done a little study of Ryan Hall's triangle series, as it has helped me to at least get my foot in the door with regards to landing anything like a triangle with my stumps. I am, however, still a bit vexed by butterfly guard. I'm trying to remain open-minded about it, but the butterfly related moves on my curriculum in particular seem so ... alien. As if the position doesn't feel unfamiliar enough...

I haven't really been on top of my nogi game, which is odd seeing as the temperatures have regularly been in the nineties for a while now. One would think I'd welcome the chance to further elude heat stroke. Today was around 94. I didn't even notice it really until I went to grab dinner afterwards. Couldn't get enough water.

I am hoping to get another good chunk covered tomorrow. While I won't be able to be tested on it tomorrow, I would still like to start better committing it to memory. Maybe try and get the other stuff to stick a little better as well. Particularly the butterfly... I just can't decide if it's just not the butterfly game for me or if I just need to give it more time to more smoothly fit into my move set.

It won't go well if I don't get hydrated and rested though. Crossfit soreness started setting in this morning. At the rate this holiday weekend is going, I'll have to go back to work to get some rest.

active hooks active hooks active hooks

If nothing else, I'm going to take that point from tonight's scattered mat time.

(Context: butterfly guard)

although I'm also taking the point of properly angling my "up" leg -- I've long been angling it outwards, losing the ability to keep any sort of distance once my opponent starts to try and flatten me out, and it's also conceding the pass by making it even easier to push the leg down to the mat and out of their way.

And duh, switching which leg I'm hooking (theirs AND mine)

Key, key factors I'd been completely oblivious to (have I mentioned how wretched my butterfly guard is?), little aha moments that I hope turn into nice dividends in terms of progress.

While that progress has been slow, it has at least led to some opening up in my open guard. Hell, at this point I'm just tickled that I can get into open guard. So even if my butterfly guard always ends up sucking, if it can at least be annoying (or boring?) enough to allow me to move into open guards, that's okay with me too.

Actually, no it's not. I want to develop a decent butterfly guard. Not at the expense of anything else, and not as a baiting technique, nor as a transition to some other guard. It was really nice to be back for even an abbreviated and unfocused mat session. While I hated to, a few extra days' rest was probably a wiser idea than I'd like to admit.

I also felt turdish. My training partner I'd mentioned a couple posts back apologized for making me angry. I felt decidedly assesque for getting angry as much as for making someone else feel like it was their fault I got angry. Maybe I'll mellow as I enter my 40s. Probably not, but let's hope... 

Hoping to pick up a few gis from alterations tomorrow morning, and to commence with rotating them in so I can properly review them here. But I will say, I recently picked up the new backpack from www.originbjj.com and it is wonderful. There are a host of lovely pictures there, but what I would like to stress here is that this is a large backpack. To me, the pictures made it look small, but it is FAR from small. Granted, I'm not winning any slam dunk contests, but still. I was concerned that I would have to start packing way more spartan than I normally do, NAY. This bag can hack it.

I'll try and get some pictures for scaling purposes here before too long, and do a more dedicated write up. Also for their gis - I'm aiming for a progression of them, and noting improvements they've made over the 3 models I have.