first competition day. commence freak out.

I have not trained regularly in months. My hands have not healed from the worst outbreak of eczema I've ever had. I have not done much of anything along the lines of prep work.

so yeah, let's go ahead and enter our first competition. sounds like a plan!

I really don't mean for it to sound as negative as it probably reads. Honest, I don't. I do, however, mean to admonish/praise myself for stepping away from my usual habit of insisting I have all hatches battened down before sticking a toe in the waters of something new.

It's okay. This is the last competition I will ever enter so ill-prepared. I know this because it may also be the last competition I enter period. Or, I may love competing and become a weekend road warrior for it. Either way, I'll never go into it so lackadaisically. And I am relatively cool with that.

I've already won. I've already lost. It's already over.

I've already gotten over the fear of even entering. Later this morning I'll get over the fear of competing. Later I'll get over the fear of letting teammates and coaches down.

Later it won't matter. And that will be a welcome feeling, to shed all of those things.

I already have four different move paths I want to work on, and that's without having faced a single soul on the mats. Things are clicking that never clicked before.

If I'm lucky, today I'll identify more. More strengths, more weaknesses. More moves I've never considered. Make more contacts for gyms to travel and visit.

Today I'll find out how well those Defense Soap wipes work, haha.

Either way. I'll find out.