Sure, it stings a bit. Were I younger I might be more emotional and buttsore about it, but I'm really not. Younger. Or buttsore. I went into that knowing it wasn't ideal. Knowing that I had holes. Knowing that I was not prepared in the least. But I'd avoided competing long enough. I wasn't sure if I'd ever feel "ready" to compete. I also wasn't sure I'd ever muster the balls to try it again. So I charged headlong into it, wisdom be damned.
And I'm still fine with that decision. I'm still fine with having lost. Too many good things come from it. Too many things to learn from it.
Things that I knew good and damned well needed work:
- nogi, in general. I live in my gi way too much. Taking up wrestling privates will eventually help here, and I already saw a lot of that transfer over to my nogi. It'll come around in time.
- grip fighting - the dvds and books I've been reading the most regarding bjj and grappling have HEAVILY stressed the importance of grip fighting, and holy shit, were they all ever RIGHT. I have got to stop conceding grips to people. Maybe I can do that in practice, but in a competitive scenario, grips are so ridiculously key that I do feel like a friggin moron for ignoring them.
- Overall conditioning. Damned desk job and shift changes are killing me slowly with weight gain. Have to get back on my quasi paleo wagon and force the issue with regular exercise outside of grappling. I am not getting any younger, and locally we will likely never have a women's master's division.
- scrambling - my style has been slow and deliberate for some time. Either I'm going to have to become way more effective at that style, or I'm going to have to speed it up. I'm figuring the latter will likely be the route I end up ultimately taking. Strength is all fine and well, but it was rarely working for me at the tourney - and that makes me happy.
- nerves/attitude - the intensity of the whole roll was taxing. I clearly need to be around ramped up training more often before I compete again. That's a pinch, since I don't mean everybody PRIDE RULES!!! training, but I need pushed more than I've been pushing. I need to get over a little of my apprehension towards heavy training - a string of injuries has created a fear response that is holding me back. There has to be a happy medium between intensity and injury prevention. I need to be a little braver in finding it. I also need to figure out what coaching style works for me. I already figured out that having someone right in my face yelling shit like they'd shotgunned three red bulls isn't remotely what I need. Holy ADD short circuit brain.
- those ladies were way more aggressive and nasty than anyone I've rolled with in a long, long time. I still struggle with being "mean" on the mats. I blame a lot of that on early formative years of being forced to work with the "new girl" of the week back when I started - gently coddling them and bringing them along into jiu jitsu (at the expense of my own training), where they'd usually stay a few weeks, or until they broke up with whichever guy dragged them to the gym.
- I spent zero time in half guard. WTFF. I live in half guard. I forward my mail to half guard. That blew my mind.
- What little wrestling I've been exposed to is sticking. I had just been introduced to granby rolls a few days before the competition, but damned if I wasn't rolling all over. I also hit a nice double leg right out the gates (and damn was it sweet - you were right, Ms. Linzy) that unfortunately made everyone extremely wary of my takedowns the rest of the day. Pout.
I have things to work on now, with a renewed sense of how and why. For now, my work schedule is going to allow me to work on them. I'm extremely grateful for that. That said, it's time to pack my grappling gear up and head to work.
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