sometimes it clicks, sometimes it leaves you hanging with your mouth agape.

so I've been hitting the curriculum hard. Trying to gear up for 4th stripe, as I was charged with getting my act in gear and getting it done already. I tend to let a LOT of time go by before I'll test on curriculum. I am not a fan of this whole get your next [rank belt stripe] in 5 minutes culture that seems to be going on in bjj lately.

you have to let that shit marinate. cook it on low heat. love it. tend to it. let it do its thing gracefully. immerse in it.

it's been my nature with anything I love. typical creative brain. I want to be totally enmeshed with it before moving on from it. I want to know it inside out, all 360 degrees.

when someone asks me about XYZ move on a part of the curriculum that I've supposedly mastered, I don't want to go blank. that is disrespect. To my teacher, and his teacher, and his teacher.

[edit] later that day... Received my 4th stripe Sunday. It may've been an unnecessary undertaking, but I wanted to specifically test for and demonstrate the curriculum moves. It changes nothing with regards to being expected to belt test in the next few months. And that makes me nervous.

There's still so much to be done. So much to review and master. I want to take the time to study the entire curriculum like I have the past stripe's worth. It seems like it makes more sense now than it did back when I tested for 2nd, 3rd, etc. Not to mention the entirety of the curriculum that came before (i.e.- white belt as a whole and 1st stripe blue).

So often I tell newer folks that just because they don't like a move they've learned today, it doesn't mean that it won't make more sense later on down the road. It may become a move they like later. Once their bodies become adept at executing it, or once they find themselves in a situation where it's the easiest, most natural way to counter something. In the spirit of that statement, I feel compelled to go back and rework things.

But I've only a few months (hell I don't know, it may only be weeks) to do so before testing will ambush me. And during that time I really need to work on flowing better. Seeing opportunities better. Not sucking at rolling. All easier said than done perhaps (nevermind the obstacle of my work schedule).

Meh. Whatever will be, will be. I might be forced to test and fail. Whoop dee doo. My path will likely not change much based on that. That said, I feel way less worried about it. Back to pushing the rock.