chugging along nicely so far.

Made it through the first "cycle" of 5/3/1 and still made it to crossfit four times this week. Didn't catch a cold (my usual first response), but I have to say that by Friday I was seriously fatigued. And my sleep absolutely sucked all week. And I was hungry all the time. I mean I was even waking up hungry.

I didn't get in as much/any jiu jitsu as I'd have liked, but the honest admission here is I'm blase about it right now. And this happens from time to time. Maybe it's because I'm more focused on crossfit at the moment, maybe it's just my natural response to not being able to train with the sort of regularity I would prefer. I'm waiting for the next "aha" moment or the next path to pique my interest in it again.

And I think I've found it - always a reliable source of obsess-worthy material, World Martial Arts graciously released two new series from Ryan Hall. One I'm definitely excited about - passing the guard, and another I'm excited about because I know one of my favorite training partners will be stoked about - the inverted guard.

I don't dislike the inverted guard, it's just not the most easy thing for me. Yet. This may be what turns it around for me, or at least makes me less apprehensive about anything involving inversion.

Guard passing has long been a path I've felt the need to spend more time exploring, getting lost, getting found on. With all due respect to my trusty smash pass, I don't want to be a one trick pony. Especially if everyone else figures out that trick, leaving me to be a no trick pony.

Hunting season is pretty much over for me, so that distraction is also removed. Add to that an influx of people looking to resume drilling, and hopefully the love affair will begin anew. I won't force it, but I think I've finally made peace with letting it be what it will be, when it will be.

With yesterday being my forced rest day, it was hard to keep my mind from wandering to darker places, especially with the anniversary of my grandmother's passing approaching. It's been several years, but still knocks me for a loop. I was glad to get back to the gym to lift today for sure, to release some endorphins and find some clarity that simply would not reveal itself to me yesterday.

And that's fine. It's perfectly okay to have a dour mood about this, it's a heavy thing. And it's one of several pretty heavy things I deal with on a day to day basis. I underscore this too often. I stop short of acknowledging it - the equivalent of the stiff upper lip? - mostly because the burden hasn't shifted much. I don't see it shifting soon, either. I don't mean that to sound as negative as it reads, I'm merely being realistic. Stating a sound observation.

Anyway. 5/3/1 went well. It made for some soreness that impacted my performances at crossfit, but I'm anxious to see how the effort translates over. It has also made me REALLY appreciate the coaching, the facilities, and the community. Some of the lifts have just NOT felt at all natural in the setting of Nautilus - notably the leg-based ones. Squats felt weird and uninspired, and deadlifts (today) felt downright alien on the deficit platform. I'm not sure how my form was on them, and I had real hesitation in selecting assistance exercises to perform. I'll need to put the blinders on perhaps. Nothing hurt, or is hurt, so I guess there's at least that from today's work. However I think subsequent weeks of deadlifts are going to leave me nervous.

Huh. As I took a pause from typing, someone sent me a message asking if I wanted to train tomorrow. And it made me smile. As good a sign as any other I can think of.