surprise! I overtrained and got sick!

son of a bitch.

at least it gives me time to watch some nogi instructionals.

remove gi, remove IQ points

you know, I recall a time not horribly long ago when I actually preferred nogi grappling. Especially during the summers when we had no A/C to speak of. And even when it wasn't hot, it was nice to shed the gi, much like switching from 16 oz. boxing gloves to lighter ones, or even MMA gloves. The speed pick up was so nice.

dammit, what happened?

I've been training I'd say easily 90% gi for the past few years. Just sort of moved away from training stand up and MMA, and my nogi fell to the wayside. Since I'm entertaining the idea of competing, I figured I'd best start working on it again. Today was the first day I've dedicated solely to nogi in some time, and it would've been frustrating, were it not so comical.

I don't get it. There really shouldn't be so much of a difference, but I was rendered nigh-useless. No collars to grab, no sleeves... Yep, I officially missed my cotton armor.

But I stayed on task... Pulling a gi back on isn't going to help, so I may as well buckle down and embrace the suck. In the meantime, I came straight home and started browsing through my library for nogi materials to consume. There's a lot to choose from, so I think I'll just pick one, and methodically sift through them, as well as watch some old ADCC and nogi worlds competitions. (suggestions always welcomed)

My flexibility seems to be coming back rather quickly, which is great. I'll need it. May've found a better mount escape option than what I'd been using, and while I've not tried it much, saw some interesting nastiness from back mount. I need some nastiness from back mount, since my present arsenal for it has apparently grown stale - everyone seems to know what I'm going to do. Or it may be that they know with my shorter frame, there's only so many things I'm inclined to do, and my hooks aren't much threat.

overall, it felt like a lost, sloppy day for the most part, but not in a horrific, depressing way. More like a "thrown in the deep end of the pool" way. I expected to feel that way, so no worries.and dammit my neck got tweaked again. damn wrestlers and their neck cranks. might throw in some sets of heavy shrugs moving forward as well.

trying to refocus. and riding out a bad day on the mats.

(yes, I know some consistency in posting would probably be nice)

after a really good three-day span of bjj (saturday, sunday, and monday), last night was the big comedown. got paired with someone who I'm still trying to decide what I think of. Was it spazzing? Not in the traditional sense, but the deviations from technique were obvious to me. What I wasn't so sure of was if that was in response to something I was doing or not.

I don't know. What I do know is I managed to get through three days of focused work without many aches or bruises. From last night, I'm now nursing a sore elbow (from forced armbars/twists) and neck.

But moreso, I'm nursing a seriously chafed ego. And also nursing this tendency to let one crappy day overthrow three good ones. That annoys me more than any bruise or soreness.

Had you asked me right after I came off the mats, I'd have told you that I was ready to take a lead pipe to the guy's noggin. I'd have sworn that if I ever landed an armbar on him, I'd break it. I was largely furious. I was also coming off the edge of a panic attack. Thought I had those under control, and I don't know, maybe I do. I didn't go full blown, just lost control of my breathing for a bit.

Went three or five times. The last three attempts I just got angrier and angrier. And of course, got completely out of my game (what game there is) and slid into she-hulk rage mode. Which always accomplishes so much. As time was called, I left the mat. When it's left me that mad, it's time to stop.

I shook off my gi top and noticed I was hyperventilating. Great, just what I needed, everyone to witness a full blown panic attack. Hell no. Instead I shut down, started focusing on just inhaling in a slower, controlled pace. Relaxed. Calmed down. To my surprise, it worked. Still, my nervous system was shot. Hit the showers, and left the gym, with little dialogue.

I had already crossed the street before the tears started (which always accompany my panic issues). Only maybe three. I refused to fall to any resurgent panic or self pity. Sure, I was still a little freaked out, and certainly still angry at my shitty mat time, but I wasn't ready to concede all to the tide of negativity and anxiety.

Into the truck, wincing as I reached for the seatbelt, neck already hurting... three miles later I came to some new conclusions:

• working with that guy is going to do three things: make me better, make me meaner, and/or get me hurt. Two of those are acceptable. One isn't. 
• I can't abandon my own game so easily. That guy rattled me off my plan, that's why I did poorly. I played his game, not mine.  I got rattled out of my game because I was more worried about self-preservation, and not getting hurt. 
• I still need to work on my breathing, especially under pressure. I already know that anxiety can come into play any time, but pressure is obviously going to exacerbate things, and holding my breath will have a multiplicative effect on that. 

Not quite so conclusive is if asking this guy to dial it down a notch will work. I think working with him can only help me, but not if I end up getting hurt. I'm also not understanding how people don't know when they're applying injuring force.

hopefully this evening's class will be more productive.

some retooling to do.

first week at new work schedule. This has to be better. Still a lot of adjusting to do. As I figured would be the case, I'm losing an hour of morning BJJ. This, coupled with the sometimes lax approach we have to starting to get to task on time, is going to pose some issues. I'll need to get down to business from the jump, not allot thirty minutes for everyone else to stretch, talk, compare college basketball brackets, etc.

Coming in late to the evening class was also a little scattered, but this was an atypical week for instruction anyway. We'll see how this coming week goes. I didn't make it to any stand up classes this week, but would like to next week.

Still hit up crossfit three times, but by the time I finished the Friday morning WOD, I was done. Nothing left in the tank for morning BJJ class, and there was absolutely no way I was going after work.

Standup will have to take the backseat for now. I may try changing the split of mornings I'm doing crossfit this week and instead hit up monday, tuesday, and thursday instead. Frontload my week for crossfit focus, endload it for BJJ focus.

Still having some troubles narrowing my own focus in terms of what I want to work on in BJJ myself, but thinking that I'm at least meandering towards the right path. I'm placing all hope and faith in the short time I get in the evening classes to help bridge the gaps in terms of having training partners who will work with me, give me ideas, help make corrections. We'll see.

Got a gorgeous new gi from Shoyoroll, the White Mamba. It's presently hang drying in the bathroom. Will drop it off for tailoring this week. May as well pick up a few of my old gis to have the sleeves worked on as well, being as I now refuse to wear the ones that haven't been tailored. Team T Rex Arms!!!

Doing a little better with paleo this week too. Putting down spinach salads like it's going out of style. Still need to convert some of the fruit consumption into veggie consumption. But the end goal is packing smarter fuel. That is happening. I'm thinking I may need to more carefully track protein intake, as my recovery this week left something to be desired.

May've overdone it with the whole "let's start running" thing. Both feet have had some moderate soreness and a marked instability this week. Had to ice one of them earlier this week. I hate to blame the vibrams (as they are what have made running bearable to me), so I'm thinking it may be an issue of just pushing it a little too far, too soon. Or better, maybe this is just an awkward breaking in phase for me. Maybe this is where my feet become stronger.

Onward.

3rd day in

a little sore. a little fatigued. skirting a sore throat. ugh. pacing will be an issue. Feels sloppy and scattered in terms of training, which I abhor.

will get this on rails. just maybe not this week.

also, having a frustrating obsession with making an omoplata land gracefully from half guard. thinking it may be a lost cause. I did give honest tries to a different set up for omoplata, kinda starting from a rubber guard sort of hold, but not much success. yet.

not surprising with my attention span, but I am struggling to decide on some goals and directions to pursue and stick with them. and that's no good in a room full of people all asking "uhhh well what's anyone want to work on?" the lack of direction, focus... maddening to me, and yet I can't seem to focus myself.

and as if I'm not trying to do too much as is, I'm thinking I should cram in some mobility study/work, be it yoga or just the mobility wod's. Thinking the latter might be the route to take. multi-birds with singular stone? we'll see. In the meantime, I'm drinking fish oil like it's going out of style.

on a longer leash

After throwing a complete fit at work (not necessarily proud of that, but not necessarily apologizing either), my shift finally improved -- moved up an hour to working noon to eight at night. While this is still pretty far from what I imagined in grad school, it opens critical doors for me in training.

I can make the last bit of BJJ classes in the evenings, and can resume stand up training some, as well. I really haven't been able to sleep since this development -- I'm THAT excited about it.

So I'm on the cusp of week one. Some changes to make, sure, but I am happy to make them if it means improvement on the mats. I'm guessing, based on the ice cold reception of the idea to move morning class up an hour, that I'll be leaving AM bjj earlier (or perhaps just planning to go to work straight afterwards). I may start going to an earlier crossfit class. I anticipate improved recovery, as evening shifts just monkey with my sleep hardcore.

More importantly, I can pack a gi/whatever with me and go straight to the gym after work in the evenings. Catch up on whatever was instructed upon, get torqued about by new and different bodies, and not have the pressure of being the one either organizing the class or leading in the instruction end of things.

I'm sure the water company is going to celebrate, as this new shift means I'll be doing more laundry, dirtying up more gis and training gear.

I'm actually leaning towards an interest in adding standup back into the mix. I miss it, at times. I just don't know how I'm going to schedule everything without redlining. Should be an interesting experiment.

beyond driven.

Happy new year.

I'm almost back to speed from a nasty muscle pull(s) from piss poor deadlifting form that forced me onto the shelf for a month or so.

Sticking with crossfit 3x a week for now, not actively planning to push for 4x a week yet. I think that's ambitious, since the past two weeks have ended with me having to rack up extra sleep hours to keep from full-on catching a cold.

Only getting one regular day to train bjj, but with the new year, it seems everyone is similarly re-dedicated. Extra mornings are going to appear for me the train, and that is a welcome thing for sure.

Days where I do neither bjj or crossfit, I've pledged to get in ten rounds of intervals on my airdyne. That is also a great time to throw on a bjj instructional and study.

Working on re-wiring my half guard. Used to be my go-to, favorite, safe place. I am slow to abandon the old style, figure 4 style of half guard, which seems to be quickly devolving into a stall position at best. A place where I can test how much my quads can deal with lactic acid and that's about it. Trying hard to adapt the open half guard. I see it, understand it, even see tons of potential.

Dismantling the muscle memory is another affair altogether.

I must also say that even at 65-80% compliance, I am feeling drastically better for retooling myself towards paleo/primal diet. I have serious carnivore tendencies, and unabashedly consuming animal products makes me happy. Trying to switch more towards vegetable rather than fruit, but it's tricky finding the right things and amounts to buy without donating more to the dumpster mammals than to my own cause.

Still pushing for a schedule change at work to allow more openings for training, but it's such slow going. Frustrating.